Friday, December 30, 2011

A Farewell to Twenty Eleven

It's hard... to think about the year in review. Countless doors were opened and shut; several pushed ajar, but more were then locked. Some for the better, I will admit. So many things now, I look at differently... All the memories with friends I hope to never forget. All I have to see is a
red cape,      box of CocoPuffs,     a feather,   Winnie-the-Pooh,         Pokemon,      fire,     a foam dart,    a big yellow limosine...
hear a mysterious ticking noise,  the word FIND,   the waves upon the sand.
It all brings back memories.
From the rush of joy of finally getting my permit, to waking up every morning and realizing that despite the night's hopelessness, there's still something to look forward to. It's the touch of a hug that says more than any kiss.
Now, looking back, I realize that there are so many people I can't imagine living with or without. Choices I had made are reversing themselves and people are reappearing. While on the other hand, despite countless, fruitless attempts,  some have compleatly dissapeared. But there's nothing that can be changed now... not really. Sure, last minute words can be said and a few actions could move proverbial mountains, but try as I might, 2011 is on it's way out.
It's almost time for this tome to close and a new one to begin. So many stories... some may continue but there are adventures aplenty just waiting to be had. There are more doors -way more than any Tiny Tower could hold- that are waiting to be opened. So goodbye my almost lover. The dog days are over. It's been a good time but this place is about to blow. The last thing I have to say to you 2011 is... Do you have any grapes? (;

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Breathe

Take a deep breath in.... And let it out. Don't think too far ahead... Don't think too far back. It's safer that way. The only one present in this present is the one living in the present. There's noone else, so noone else can cause any harm. Just breathe... And lies? The only ones that are living inside are the one's that have grown in the mind... Don't let the ones from others rule over the ones created inside. Just breathe... Breathe..... Breathe......

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Why or How?

Why? No. The question isn't "why" its "how". How do you have this power over me? How have you gotten me back? How did you find me at a place so low, where i was so weak? I should be able to resist you. But you have these charms that are able to remind me what we had, what it was like to be in love. They bring back the memories; a simple smile, a light touch, a kiss goodnight. And it melts my heart by remembering something that seemed impossible to give up.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Cold, Cold Fool

What happens when a cold heart is warmed from a blast from the past? Would it be waise to indulge on that warmth... to try again and to be happy? Or should the sheild of doubt keep me away from you? I want to try again, I've wished for the oppurtunity so many times... Maybe the wish had a delay or two in getting to me, but I'm not sure. Would I still wish that wish today, if you hadn't hurt me like that? You seem so sincere, so true to your self and to the words you typed. But how soon would that honesty go away if I let it all happen again? Can I really do that to myself for a second time? Because I can only blame myslef for what happened; I let myself get close to you and I let myself fall in love. Maybe this time we'll do it right, take things slow and honey you better be sure that this is what you want. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me a second time, and the shame is all mine. But if you fool me this third time, I guess we're both to blame and it just isn't going to work.

Monday, December 12, 2011

An Oranized Mess

Everything is scattered, but yet perfectly in place. I know exactly where everything is amongst everything else... Ask me to find something and I can tell you how it is and where it's at. Yes its Amazing and Crazy and Frusterating... but overall its My Life and it's an Organized Mess.

Thursday, December 08, 2011

Time

Just to sit here,
and relax.
To know that there's no pressure anymore,
to be what I'm not.
To do the things
that I haven't been able to do recently.
Read a book.
Watch a movie.
Cuddle with a puppy or two.
Savor the last chocolate chip cookie of the batch,
With a glass of milk of course.
Just to sit here,
and relax.
Now that time isn't fleeting,
and there's no rush to be anywhere,
I can do anything.

Thursday, December 01, 2011

Blood Moons

The blood moons have come,
shining against the pale night sky.
Driven by pain and suffering,
they arise one by one.
As the night goes by,
they fade back into the sky.
All that's left is their soft glow,
and even that within hours,
will blend in with the sunshine.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Thanks

When it comes to being thankful... I'm slowly understanding what its all about, and i think i've got a better idea now. I'm thankful for all the good, and the bad. If it wasn't for everything in my past, i wouldn't be here now. So here are some of the things i'm just beginning to be thankful for and have been thankful for:

*A Home. Its a place to call home, with a space just for me. There's not many places in the world like that.

*My Little Brother and Sister. They're mine. All mine. And i don't have to share their sibilinghood with anyone else. And although i'd love to ship em off to Timbucktu, they keep life interesting and i love them no matter what they think or say.

*All the Boys. The ones that have stood by my side and those that have broken my heart. They've all given me the oppurtunity to feel loved, and some the best memories i could ever have. And i'm the only girl that has those memories. I think that makes me pretty special.

*Hope. Without it, i'm pretty sure i wouldn't be here right now. When the darkest hour comes, hope is the star that twinkles above reminding me to never give up. There's so much more to life than the here and now, and so much more to be thankful for.

*Friends. My true best friends. Mary. Alyx. Casey. Laura. Santo. Heather. Zoe. Those who were once upon a time. Tyler. Juliette. Matt. Katie. Jacob. Those who never were. You know who you are and where you belong within these 3 groups. With your friendship, i have become a better person. As some leave my life to continue their own, it's effected me. But i'm greatful for it because it's helped to make me who i am. Without the love, the hurt, the ignorance and the bliss... i'm not sure what i would be like. Regardless, i'm happy the way i am and that even though some days i'll say i'm a terrible person, i have friends to remind me i'm not.

*Words, words, words. They give me the ability to cry. To laugh. To be happy. To explain my thoughts as complicated or simply as i can. They can make me or break me. Without words, i'd never be able to sing. Or write. Or describe a morning sun rise. Or attempt to explain how greatful i really am for the life i have.

*Meine gute Deutsche Setze. Ich liebe zu sprecke Deutsche, und ich habe Frau Lamereaux zu sprecke "Danka" zu. Diese Jahre, sie hat die "Ente Leid" gesprecht fur die klasse. Die "Ente Leid" hat meine augen vor wasserin gehaltet. Ich kann spreche Englisch, aber ich kann spreche Deutshe zu! Ja Vole!

*The Duck Song. 1, 2, & 3. They make me happy when i am sad. The make good inspiration for CupCake Monday. Would you like Grapes or Lemonade with that?

*Silence. Sometimes lounder than sound, the silence allows all my thoughts to come out. The ones i can't think with a million different things humming in me ear. Thank you, sweet silence.

*All the little things in life. A smile here and there. Finding a penny tails side up and flipping it over to give the next person a little luck. Remembering it's the weekend so i can sleep in.
Getting over 100 texts throughout the school day containing only this weird smiley :E and noticing it only after my inbox has been filled. Saying whats on my mind. Dancing like no one's watching. Giving my puppy a kiss.

*Waking up each morning, and going to bed every night. Because for some people, they don't get another sunrise or sunset </3

I'm thankful for so very much, and above all i'm thankful for the god that watches over me and has blessed me with everything i have. i can't fit it into one religion, gender, size, colour, species, nationality, or anything else... But i know there's someone or something watching over me and knowing that gives me a piece of mind. So thank you. Thank you all. And of course thank you to the turkey that had no choice but to help fill my belly. Happy thanksgiving everyone.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Drafting Hidden Wonders

There are some nights when i just have to go through my drafts to see what kind of unfinished thoughts are there... This was one of those nights, with quite a bit of hidden wonders.

Love

Love knows no age.
No definition of beauty.
No measurement of distance.
Love goes where it wants to.
It cannot be forbidden.
It cannot be controlled.
It cannot be kept buried inside a heart.
Love belongs out in the open.
It needs to be shared.
It needs to be accepted for what it is.
Love knows.
It cares.
It hurts.
It loves.

By Myself

After so many years of crying over lost loves and loves that never were, i feel.... alright. I'm at that point where i've accepted life for what it is, and there's nothing i can do to change it. Maybe in time someone amazing will come into my life for the better, but for now i'm okay with being by myself.

The Mask

I have decided that i don't like to feel vulnerable... i need to hide behind the mask that i've tried to perfect over the years. It keeps me safe, it keeps me to myself, which is the way it should be. It used to give me the strength to bury the pain inside and to keep the tears from coming. Even though that doesn't work anymore, the mask keeps life simple... it keeps people from getting too close. If i don't grow close to people, it makes it easier to be left behind, when everyone decides to up and leave once again. My thoughts and feelings, they're too easy to be taken advantage of without the mask.

To My Feet Again

There are some days where i find myself curled up on the floor, knees up to my chin, arms around them. That's when i know i have gotten to my breaking point, and only letting my sorrow, frustration, pain go will help me to my feet again.

Days

There were days when i didn't want you around.
But there were more days when i loved your company.

Letting the Memories Go

I think i've figured out the reason i have the hardest time letting go. If i give up hope in you coming back around, then i give up hope on us. And i don't wanna give up on us. But it's more than that, its the memories... I can't get them out of my head. And i don't want to forget. I don't wanna forget what it was like to be with you, i don't wanna forget what it felt to be loved. If i let you go, try to move on... i'm afraid i'll forget. By fighting the memories, they'll eventually lay down their arms and slowly walk away... Untill i can no longer get to them again.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Tears of Night

As silent as the night approaching,
the tears start to fall.
Slowly they rain down,
gently kissing my cheek.
If only they would leave,
But the memories keep them coming.
As if every second gives them reason
to stay and break my heart.
The darkness atleast gives cover
to hide the proof of everything that's wrong.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Missing You, the Ear Worm

Missing you is like getting a song stuck in my head.
Someone's played thirty seconds of it,
just enough to get the words implanted deep inside.
The only way to get this ear worm out is to hear the whole song.
But without you here,
the song will never be complete,
and thus you'll never leave my head.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Musical Thoughts

"Sometimes moving on with the rest of your life, starts with goodbye", but what if there was no goodbye? What if the other person just upped and left... how can i move on? The goodbye is closure for me, and without one... I'll just be missing you untill that one day i wake up and won't think of you at all.
(Carrie Underwood; Starts With Goodbye)

"You can't fall in love alone", but you can be in love alone. The person you fall in love with doesn't have to love you back.
(Thriving Ivory; Love Alone)

"I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all." Having a cold heart is like living a meaningless exsistance. There's no joy, or sadness to counter the joy. If my heart breaks, and the tears start to roll down my face, then i atleast know i'm alive and that i was living for something, for someone. I know that eventually time will heal the pain, but it takes much more to feel something when there's nothing to begin with.
(Lady Antebellum; Need You Now)

Monday, November 14, 2011

My Story

my life is a story.
each fascicle is different,
but connected in millions of different ways.
am i my own author?
or does someone else pen my life for me?
if i was to choose my own adventure,
would it be that i'm writing my own story,
or just following the one that someone had chosen for me?
because it always seems like i'm five pages ahead,
or just a page behind.
no matter what i do,
i can't seem to catch up to where i should be.
i'm asleep when i should be awake
i'm in love where there's no love to be found
i'm hurting when there's nothing to harm me.
i feel like someone is flipping through my tome,
making sure i can't live in reality,
but only in the literary present tense.
what's worse is when i'm sitting on the floor,
all disheveled and a mess.
with my pages all bent and ripped;
are they the scars of a much loved tale,
or of an untold romance?
its been said that when Once Upon a Time met The End,
there was no Happily Ever After.
that's how my story goes.
that's how my story ends.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Left in the Rain

Right now... I don't know if i should be laughing or crying cause at the moment i'm doing both. A year's gone by since we've met and its been months since i've gotten over you. But every once in awhile my head brings up what shoulda-coulda-woulda been, and there's a pin of pain that's still there.... time and time again i swore i was never going down that road again. You told me you cared... You held me in your arms for hours and then you kissed me goodnight... You had me fall in love with you... I was heads over heels and didn't care what other people thought. I was happy to be with you and to know that i had someone that cared... But then something happened and you dumped me on my ass. Everything you made me believe was gone, and your feelings changed without a damn reason as to why. So i cut you out of my life and swore to never let you back in again. But then today.... i thought i saw you today at the DMV. Thankfully, i didn't see your face and that is all for the better because i don't need you in my life. I don't need to go down that road again. You broke my heart to the point where it went gone cold from all the pain... just so i could move on. But what did i get tonight, but a friend request from facebook. Yeah, that little part of my heart that holds all the pain from the shoulda-coulda-wouldas? Well it accepted your request... But that in no way shape or form makes us friends again. So how long will it last this time? Cause i refuse to go down this road again.... i will not be left out in the cold for the umpteenth time wondering where the hell i went wrong with something that had felt so right. I refuse to hurt that much again if i can help it. The tears that fell for you... for us... honey, they just weren't worth it. I'm trying to move on with my life, so making it through this year with you still out of it will make that dream a reality. So save all the excuses, all the lies, and all the "i miss you"s. I don't wanna hear it. And i can promise that i've decided how long this is gonna last, and it's not gonna be long. Because, as i recall... when it rains on you baby... it pours. And i'm not gonna be the girl next to you when you decide to leave her in the rain.

Monday, November 07, 2011

A Fire Hiaku

Playing with fire,
is very dangerous we know.
But who cares? Its fun(:

Dedicated to Mary and Pal, the Fire Spirit =|

Hope

Although it may seem like there's no hope in sight, don't let go. Don't lose sight of who you are and what you aspire to be. Because there is always hope. Hope is there, under your skin, pulsing throughout your body. For as long as there is a heart to keep you living, there is hope that tomorrow may bring a better day. There is hope that the hands that are only your own may make your troubles go away. You have the power to make your life the best it is. Even if you can't change the circumstances, the state of mind you perceive them in makes all the difference. Sometimes the reminder is all in the wrist...

Cocopuffs and Endless Hugs

Because noone else will ever see this, i'll committ all my thoughts to prove to myself that i did believe what i was trying to feel. Your arms around me, holding me tight... trying to escape the tickles, it could turn any frown i had upside down. I couldn't be unhappy even if i tried while i was next to you. What we almost had years ago, it didn't work because a real relationship is based off of friendship, off of trial and error, broken hearts and endless hugs. I never thought jealousy was my thing, till i saw you with her and i wished it was me you were with. And when i saw you with some of my best friends, i realized that i needed to stop running from the fear of being hurt again. And it was with that moment, that i decided that i want to try to make this work. But now you're gone, never to return, and i'm left with nothing but the tears. (and a full pack of gum) Its all because i didn't say anything sooner. And i'm sorry. So, so, very sorry...Cocopuffs & endless hugs...if only...

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Words...

Words. Once they're said, once they're written... they can't be taken back. The thoughts running through my head are screaming to be dictated, to be penned. But once i do that, my world may change. The words that are begging for release may build friendships, or ruin others. They may help my reach my goals, or they may land me further in this hole that is my life. And lets not forget about feelings. They say that "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me." obviously whoever said that had an overload of self-esteem cause words can cut deeper than any knife. As time goes by, my thoughts get closer to becoming the spoken -or written- word. But is my reality worth changing? Or am i better off where i am now? I suppose without taking that chance i'll never know. So i'll take a deep breath... And let it all out, words rushing to fill the ears of whom they belong to.

Safe and Sparkling

I've forgotten the way the stars sparkle,
and the way the moon shines.
The lights all around me drown it all out,
but out here in the backwoods they're prettier than any diamond ring.
Out here, the darkness surrounds me in a close embrace,
allowing no room for fear.
Looking up i know i am safe,
wherever i am,
and wherever i'm heading.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

People oh, People

With me and people, it's a love-hate relationship. There are some that i absolutely can not live without, while there are others that i can't stand. Then there are some who fall in between. Those are the ones that i'll smile and nod to, perhaps strike up a conversation with just to pass the time. You all know where we stand, but don't underestimate our relationship. If its still not clear and you're confused, i'll be sure to straighten it out so you understand. Then we can continue on with our lives and the world will then be much, much better.

Sunday, October 23, 2011

The Fire

Watching the fire,
i see all my problems burn.
It doesn't take long before they are reduced to ashes,
the red hot coals pulsing as they cry out one last time.
Once the warmth of their presence dissapears,
the chill of their memory will continue to haunt me.
Walking away,
i know i'm no warmer than before.
If anything,
memories are colder than the real thing.

Saturday, October 08, 2011

Clarity

Slowly its becoming clear to me. Best friends are redefining themselves as just friends, and friends as just acquaintences. This house I live in finally feels like a home, but more and more I realize that here isn't where I belong. Sitting in the stands by myself, near so many students, makes me understand that I never belonged here. The coming months may bring change but untill then I'll continue with my life. I'm my own best friend, my own worst enemy; and I suppose that's all that really matters in the end.

Monday, October 03, 2011

I Knowwwwwwww..

Yes, i am wearing a skirt.... Yes, i know the high is only 58.... No, i'm not stupid; just a wee bit chilly ^.^

Sunday, October 02, 2011

Thank You!

i just realized that i can see that some people actually have seen my blog... people from Alaska and throughout the US (: i think i have my profile on FB to thank, but thank you to those who have found this in the ways i have this listed, such as on my BOX and FB profile. many thanks again!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Try Again?

If i said lets try again would you look at me and wonder what the hell i was talking about or would you welcome the chance at a new relationship?

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Autumn

Me thinks that fall is on its way, with this crisp cool air and leaves changing to warm dying colours.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

You're One Hell of a....

"you're one hell of a..."
what does that even mean? What is one hell of something? they say that "you're one hell of a popular guy" or "he's one hell of baseball player". Is that even a phrase that people use or is it just me?

I Am a Yo-Yo...

One moment i'm being pulled up and down and all around, then for the next few months i'm just sitting on a shelf collecting dust until you feel like playing again.

........

...
Fate.
Must.
Really.
Hate.
Me.
.....
....
....

I Thinks

"I thinks"
yes indeed... I do think (;
anywhooooo...... I thinks are little things i think, and are what make me special. They're words or phrases or likes, but basically after awhile i'll have written (in individual blog form) a Me Poem. Hopefully this'll work cause i can't comitt to sitting down, thinking about my self, and writing poetic lines that describe me. Enjoysies!

Your Punching Bag

It's fine really... I know when i'm not wanted around. You don't need to keep pretending. Shouting matches with yourself are a good enough hint. Huffing and puffing while getting me a pen, or doing my laundry... When all i needed was a bit of direction and i'd do it myself. I can be self-sufficient i don't need other people to do it for me. But if you insist, then don't complain, please. Anyways... I know i'm not wanted. You want nothing to do with me, kicking and screaming and biting and hitting and pinching... Whatever. Sure after awhile you may make me cry, but its only because i have the strength to put up with all your crap. I won't dish it back to you physically. I'll suffer everything you all put me through. If it makes you happy, well, who am i to take away your happiness? Seriously, i'm fine putting my headphones on and just letting the tears roll down me cheeks by myself. I
don't need a pity party and i sure as hell don't need fake sympathy. So introducing, your punching bag.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Sleep...

Sleep... Oh precious sleep... Why do you deprive me? I have been lying here for hours with my eyes closed but still you do not come to me. Is it my mind? The way its running here and there with thoughts of this, that, and who knows how many other things? Or are you making fun of me? Making me suffer for all the late nights, so when i finally want to sleep at an earlier time i am no longer able? Please sleep... I'm begging you. Come and take me into your numbing embrace. I can't face tomorrow all on my own. I need sleep to help me get through the long day that i have ahead of me so please, come to me soon. Dreamland or not, i just need to sleep before 6 A.M. rolls around.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

A 9/11 Thank You 10 Years Later

"Where were you, when the world stopped turning?" - Alan Jackson. I know where i was, in my second grade classroom doing bookwork; math-boxes i believe. I think i remember the teachers talking to eachother in hushed voices... I can't remember if the radio or tv was turned on or not. And that night, my mum walked my little sister and i down the street to our church, where we held hands with people we had never met before. And i'm pretty sure that i wasn't aware of what was going on, but something major, something terrible, something very very sad had occured that day, 10 years ago. Remembering it now, knowing what really happend and how oblivious i was as a child.... my heart breaks. It breaks for those who gave their all, for all of us. It breaks for what and who they left behind, and for those that had no choice. It breaks for those who stood witness and for those that have been denied entry at the memorial dedication. I know it's not much.. but from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Mud, Oh, Mud

Mud... Is very muddy. I'm not talking about anything cryptically here... I'm talking about good ole dirt mixed, or rather soaked with lovely Dioxygen Monoxide. (Thats water, folks... Not something deadly or poisionus. If it was we'd all be d.e.d.. dead) Mud can be very very squishy, but don't be fooled, people. If you squish too much, the squish turns into suck and it grabs ahold of your footwear and won't let go! Its like a suction cup, or more a vaccum, pulling so hard on your shoe -or boot, or flippiefloppies or what-have-you- that if you try to just pull it out you'll land on your butt, and then the shoe'd be the least of your worries. Cause if the mud decided to suction cup your butt... Well just use your imagination to tell how well that would end. The moral(s) of this story: don't walk in mud, cause its muddy and will act like a suction cup and eat your shoe or make you fall on
your butt. Water a.k.a. H2O a.k.a. Dioxygen Monoxide is perfectly safe and is what makes mud so muddy.

Who is "Who"?

............. I'm sorry. I've been stupid. How many times have i been wishing for a nice boy, one who would come and sweep me off my feet? How many nights have i stayed awake, hoping that there would be a guy who would like me for who i am? How many months have i been crying over the same guy, who very obviously doesn't care about me? The number to both those questions..... Well, it's undefinable. My heart knows who it's looking for, it just doesn't know who "who" is. It knows that the guys in the past that have liked me don't fit the "who". So instead of trying to give them a shot, my silly heart just looks past them. And now here i am wondering what could have been, even tho my heart wants nothing to do with it. Isn't it ironic? My head and my heart just won't agree. No matter who "who" is, i'll probably miss out once again cause my head or my heart will find some reason not to give it a try. It's easy enough to shut my head up, but unless my heart is in it, there's just no point. /:

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Friendship so Strong...

We once had friendship that stood so strong... we both thought it was unbreakable. But then love got in the way, and we realized that not even our friendship would work out. Years passed, and here we are again, at the beginning. I'm choosing my words carefully, as not to mess it up. I miss what we had, more than summer vaycation. I wish we can get back to where we were... maybe this time we really can be unbreakable, even if we do stay just friends. Because as in the past, all those other girls have come and gone. But i'll always be here for you. No matter what happens. <3

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

At a Loss for Words

I have decided that when you're at the loss for words, you must stop searching for the right ones, and let the words find you. If you allow them to find you, it not only is easier on you, but the sentences they make are often better than forcing words together that don't belong. In other words, don't consiously try to piece the perfect sentence together. Let your thoughts run wild, jumping from one subject to the next untill you get a brilliant revelation. And that thought will be great enough to share with the world.

Monday, September 05, 2011

Rain Drops of Hope

I count the seconds that pass
with every rain drop outside my window.
*plop* one
*plop* two
*plop plop* three... and a half
*plop* four
Thats four seconds of my life,
not wasted on thoughts of us.
The us that could have been,
but never was.
The us that never will be.
*plop* five
*plop* six
*plop* seven
Another breif moment,
gone by without spending three wishes
to try to bring us back together.
*plop* eight
*plop plop* nine... and a half
*plop plop plop* ten, eleven
Or is it twelve now?
The rain just falls down harder,
as if its trying to make it harder to count.
Trying to get me to focus more on the numbers.
Because in all reality the past minute spent wasn't counting the rain drops,
but forming the words i'd write in hopes of becoming us again.

The Last Week of Summer

The last week of summer... In theory, it should be filled with nonstop fun: hanging with friends, swimming at the pool or the beach, smores and campfires as the sun goes down. The last week of summer is the time to do everything you couldn't or weren't able to do before. Its the time to get one last amazing story written. Its the perfect time to have a summer crush. The last week of summer should be care free, before all the stress of school life returns. So get out there, have some fun, go a little crazy. Enjoy your last high school summer as it is this year, cause next year its all gonna change.

Monday, August 29, 2011

To Sleep or Not To Sleep...

I reeeeaaaallllyyyyyy wanna sleep but i'm talking to the one guy i've been best friends with, crushed on, got over, and been done with. What the heck?!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Freedom from these Games

i'm so sick of being a pawn used for all your silly games; my head is in so much pain from trying to keep track of all these rules. the only thing that has kept me going is hope. but now. . . now i have realized that not even hope can free me. freedom only comes in time. unill then. . . i shall walk this thin line you have laid down for me and hope that i can make it through untill that day that freedom comes.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Broken

I'm a broken girl
my heart's scattered through out the land
i'm just waiting on the right man
to come and put me back together again.

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Hm..

hopefully this way i can post more than 160 charachters! Btw... Fmlllllll (:

~ yettiyettiyettiiiiiiiii ~

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Nothingness

soooooooo...

yeah so its like, wicked late or wicked early... however you wanna look at it works for me. At this point i'm so tired i can't sleep. . . so i've to decided to write a whole lot about nothing.
*warning: you can stop now and save yourself or you could continue and waste your time. Whatever floats your boat*
so i guess i'll explain the name of this blog, and then just ramble on about a whole lot of nothingness as the sheep come back towards the barn, and i'll count them as they jump the fence so hopefully i'll be abe to sleep after that. So here's the story, MyAmazingCrazyMessedUpFrusteratingLife is exactly what my life is: Amazing, Crazy, Messed Up, and oh so frusterating. Between School, Friends, and Family. . . There's no end to the madness! At times i guess its not so bad.... But honestly it all depends. soooooooooooo i think the sheep are back early. . . and its off to sleep i go. Adu for nowsies.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Oh the Weather...

W H Y on earth can it be 60 degrees and sunny one day. . . Then the next its S N O W I N G ? ! ? ! ? ! its so cruel. . .

Friday, February 18, 2011

No Such Thing...

There is no such thing as disappointment. There's only prolonged excitement fueled by the innocence of hope. So I cling onto the innocence hope, believing that maybe you'll come, maybe you'll gain the sense to try to talk to me, but I know you won't. So again my wait is lengthened, and i'm starting to think that Santa is more real than you are.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Uh..

Holyyyyyyyyyyyyy poop on toast its cold in hereeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!! Rehersal is always freeeezing but i atleast remembered to bring a hoodie!! XD

SUCCESS

ooooh so thats how you post! Haha! Sucessssssss is all mine! Now things are bound to get interesting tehehehehehehehe!

HELP

HELP

~ y ? n g ~

Monday, February 14, 2011

t h e f i r s t p o s t

h i . . . 
i d k   i f   t h i s   i s   g o i n g   t o   d o   w h a t   w e   w a n t   i t   t o ,
b u t   h o p e f u l l y   i t   w i l l !
n o w   a b o u t   t h e   d a y . . .
i t s   v a l e n t i n e ' s   d a y  . . .  
a n d   l i f e   i s   a c t u a l l y   o h - k a y . . . 
c o f f e e   i s   g o o d . . .
i t   m a k e s   m e   g o   a   g o o d   s o r t a   c r a z y   ( :
" m i c k e y "   i s   s t i l l   a   b u t t h e a d . . .
b u t    t h i n g s   a r e   l o o k i n g   u p   i   t h i n k
t o o t l e s