Monday, February 13, 2012

A Web of Emotions Looking for the Sunrise

It boils inside of me... Pain, anger, sadness, lost hope, defeat. The pressure is too much to handle anymore. Just below the surface, blood pulses throughout my veins looking for a way out. My fingers dance across my skin to create a web upon it's most vulnerable point. Maybe there some of my feelings will find release. Now, more then ever, my mind begs for a senseless and thoughtless diversion from the black hole forming inside of me. As time goes by, more pieces of the web are left behind. This isn't me screaming for attention, it's not me trying to find sympathy. It's not an act of defiance, a stand of freedom, proof of a personal vendetta. All it is, is the hope of the end. Now please don't misinterpret that as the very end end. Understand that all I'm looking for is the end of the pain. I want to feel happy and joyful. I want to find hope again. I don't want to go to bed anymore feeling like a terrible person, a horrible daughter, a burden, a charity case. I want to wake up knowing I went to bed happy 9 times outta 10. But I'm caught in this web and I can't get out. As long as the pressure inside keeps the spider right there, I'll fight it just to see the next sunrise.

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