Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Please, Pretty Please, Words of Advice?

Okay... So this is a desperate call for help. I don't know what to do anymore, and so I'm hoping you guys who are totally outside all of my problems can maybe offer me some words of advice... cause we're like a little family here right? Maybe I'm crazy... No... I'm definitly crazy. But here's everything that I'm facing right now:

Where to start? I think I'll try to lump it all together in bold points, skip ahead if you find something you'd rather not read, I take no offense. But at this point I'm using names just to make it easier to follow. Only maybe two people reading this will be know who I'm talking about, and even then they already know the story. So no harm done in my book. Anyways, here goes nothing:

Friends. Or not friends. I haven't the damndest clue anymore. Earlier in the year, my "best friend" Alyx decided she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. But she didn't tell me this. I started picking up on it when she would TURN HER BACK ON ME during German class to talk to her childhood BFF. It had become the 3 of us that were the really close friends at one point, but when push comes to shove, it's always Alyx and Casey. Noone can come between them, no matter how much Alyx slams Casey with insults. It's all part of their relationship, their banter I suppose. And whenever I hear it and can get a word in edge wise, I defend Casey... I can't help it! *sigh* Sorry I'm getting off topic. Anyways, the ice had been starting to crack for awhile then, and the whole thing fell to shit when Kelsey came up before lunch to me ALMOST IN TEARS because of the crap Alyx would say about me in their AP Bio class. From there, rooming for Boston went all topsy turvey and Alyx and I haven't really talked since.

Thus leads me to my need for advice, Part 1: In the moring, I go to the TV Studio to help with the morning announcements. Earlier in the year I had brought Alyx, Cazey, and Laura with me and my interest to help be a part of it and now we're now basically the ones that run the whole shin-dig. But now that Alyx decided it was time for us to "grow apart", she says nothing to me, and with Casey it's "Alyx is the leader" so she says nothing to me either. And Laura? She'll do anything to stay on Alyx and Casey's good side. I have nothing against her, she's a good friend of mine and I love her to death, but given the choice of Alyx and Casey over me, she'll pick the other 2. I really can't take it any more... The TV studio is one of my favourite things in the morning, I love being part of it. But the company is less than stellar, all I really have is me, myself and I. It would be easier if I could at least get a "hi" or "goodmorning" when I walk in, and a small opening into any discussion they have, but no. I'm shut out.

Prom. May I take a moment to just yell at the top of my lungs? *gets up, walks away from the computer*

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*sigh*comes back and proceeds to type* well I feel a little better, I suppose. I'm so tired of Prom! The process has been going on for over a month now, starting with trying to find a dress. And to be completely honest, I'm poor. I clean a family friends house and I babysit. I don't have a regular job at a store or resturant, just a couple hrs after school to try to get enough money to keep me from becoming a bigger burden on my mum. With that being said, I don't have houndreds of dollars to spend on a dress... I don't have the luxery to find my dream dress, one that I'm happy and proud to wear. It doesn't have to be designer, I couldn't care less who made it. I just want to be happy and feel pretty in it. I want to be comfertable. But I don't have that ability. Instead I'm restrained by the saying "beggars can't be choosers". And it's kinda always been that way... Anyways, on top of that there's finding a date. Last year Laura and I were part of an all girls table and let me tell you it was A LOT of fun, no drama, no crap to worry about. but this year I really thought I was going to get asked, the guy I thought was going to do it had given me the third degree about if I was going to prom or not and my favourite flower and colour and just odd things. But instead I was told last night that he's not going to Prom, I was the first one he told cause he thought I should be the first to know. He can't deal with seeing his cousin and his ex together (that's another whole problem that just doesn't need to be explained... a perfect example of high school love triangle, enough said.) when I read the message I swear I heard the sound of a big oak door slam shut... And to add to all the money fun tickets were also sold yesterday, $50 a pop which isn't too bad (my freshman year, I didn't go but the were $90 a piece, and last year they were $45). But when you add it all up, that's a lot of money I really don't have. And Laura's decided to skip out to hang with (guess whos) Alyx and Casey. Sure I have a few other people to sit with, but I just don't want to deal with it any more. I'm too tired.

Boys. Just in general. I thought AJ (The guy I thought'd ask me to Prom) and I had something that might have been starting back up (again long story) but nope no suck luck. I passed that oppurtunity up last summer. That's all you need to know bout that story for now. Maybe I'll write up a better story later. But that's debatable. Regardless, and here's where I'm going to end up contradicting myself 15 different ways, I just want to have fun. I want to be able to go out, see a movie or go mini-golfing and not have to worry about anything. I want a relationship, a connection with someone, but if they're not looking for committment I won't fight them on it, it's almost time to leve for college anyways... So I just want fun! I'd rather have guys as friends than girls anyways, it's much less drama... Untill they seem like the perfect one for a relationship but I've gone down that road once, I don't plan on doing it again unless I KNOW the feeling's mutual. I'm going crazy sitting here at home, when I want to be out and about. Or rather, sitting at home alone. I'm totally fine with relaxing and watching a movie on the couch, or even better let's push the coffee table aside and throw pillows and blankets on the floor. With an arm around me, if we're just friends or something more, I couldn't be happier.

So, I think that's all the turmoil I'm facing that I just don't know what to do with anymore. None of my other friends can really give me advice or help me out, and when I need to talk about it, they're sick of hearing me repeat the same old same old. I've learned that answers can be found in unexpected places, and I'm always up for trying something new. I apologize if you read this hoping to find something interestinng and all you're left with is wasted time and thoughts of "thank God I'm not a girl" or "I so do NOT miss high school". But seriously any words would be greatly aprreciated, more than you will ever know. Thank you all <3

4 comments:

  1. Here's one thing I can say FOR CERTAIN...you will not have to deal with high-school drama once you get to college. It's an entirely different world and it's so refreshing. At least that was my experience, and was also the experience of most people I have known. There are two reasons for this: maturity (the Alyxes and Caseys and Lauras of the world will eventually grow the heck up), and there are really no "in" or "out" groups in college. At least not nearly to the extent that there are in high school. So there's light at the end of the tunnel and you're almost there! College will be the most amazing time of your life and Alyx's immaturity will be nothing but a memory...in fact you'll probably never remember it at all :)

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    1. haha well we have a lot of memories together, ones that I will always cherish and not want to forget, but like all good things it came to an end I suppose

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  2. I completely agree with Keith. I'm in my third year of college, and drama like that just doesn't exist. Could be because people are older, could be that there are just so many people, and quite honestly, you have no idea what age people are anymore because we're all adults (okay, sometimes you can pick out the freshmen... but most time, not).

    In regards to boys... all I can say is that if one doesn't work out, it means that there is someone better out there for you. You should never settle for someone. But also, don't dwell on having or not having a special someone in your life. I had a bad breakup with a girl at the beginning of my sophomore year. I have met her at the end of freshman year, and we talked all through the summer (she in SC and I in NJ). We kept the magic alive despite the long distance, but didn't officially start dating 'til I got back. We only dated for a month or two. Maybe not even. I was pretty broken... that after all that time spent emotionally connecting and that was all that came out of it. I know what you mean about just having somebody there. It's really nice.

    Anyways, once I our relationship was over, I made a point not to try too hard to look for a relationship. I figured it would just find me one day. But I had a ton of fun just hanging out with my roommates and going to some house parties and whatever else. What I realized was being single is pretty freakin' awesome. And if you're planning on getting married one day (which I am, hopefully) then you gotta enjoy it while it's still here. And at the end of the day? We're still very young. There is plenty of time to find love.

    Hope your situation improves Stephanie.

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    1. Awh! Well I completely understand what you mean with living it up and having fun... That's something that I've kept in the back of my mind, and is why what happened last summer with AJ happened... I passed up the relationship because I was going so many different places and as terrible as it sounds I didn't want to be tied down. I justified it by thinking that if I did meet someone along the way I didn't want to feel tempted and do something I would have majorly regretted. Honestly, I think it makes me sound like a horrible person, but it's better than actually doing something I'd regret more so I suppose. But I don't know... I also see myself as someone who's always ran away from a relationship even thought it's something that I really want. It doesn't make sense. But college is a new leaf to turn over, and I'm ready for it like you would not believe. I hope everything works out well for you too, Greg(:

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