Tuesday, August 28, 2012

I DON'T WANT TO DIE

College life is amazing... I'm constantly busy and don't have much time to just sit down and collect my thoughts by myself but I think I need to share this with you all.

One of the awesome things about Albright is that the Fitness Center has a lot of classes for the students to take, so my roomie and I are doing one every night. We range from Zumba and Cardio Kick-boxing to Yoga and Pilates. Despite being extremely tired and having a piece of us not wanting to go, we and another friend came to this conclusion:

If we get lazy and stop working out, we'll get fat. If we get fat, we won't have the energy to go to class. If we don't go to class, we'll fail out of college. If we fail out of college, we'll be stuck working at a fast food joint. If we're stuck working at a fast food joint, we'll grow even fatter. If we grow even fatter, we won't be able to go to work (as if we'd want to!) because we won't fit out the door. If we can't fit out the door, we can't eat. If we can't eat, we die.

That is all folks...  If we don't go to the gym, we'll die. So go to the gym, take the stairs, skip that fourth cookie (save it for tomorrow!). You don't want to die.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

For all the FB People...

And all the friends I was talking to before my phone died ^_^

My Dish Set



So I said 2 years in the video... It's actually been a little over 1. Maybe they'll teach me math at Albright! (;

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Don't Bottle It Up

If you're gonna cry, cry.
Let the dam break
and watch the tears fall.
Don't wipe them away.

If you're gonna scream, scream.
Just raise your voice
so that you remember you have one.

But if you're gonna cause hurt...
do it to your pillow,
not your wrist.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Written Just for You

You want a Haiku
from off the top of my head.
Let me think on it.

"Make it a Tanka", you say.
I suppose I could do that.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

"What Do You Want From Me?"

Me? I want nothing.
There is nothing left of us.
Our friendship is gone.
So you think this is awkward?
Hun, you've done this to yourself.

Curtain Call

Had to post this one to the Tube of You because it's a bit long... but it got everything off my chest from tonight and that's what matters to me.


Saturday, August 18, 2012

A Personal Hello

Please don't mind the look of sleepiness, it's been a long day but I wanted to share this story with you all.

This is also kinda my first time, I've been practicing but I hope my thoughts all make sense and that you can understand me :P

Thanks for being a part of what I do!


Friday, August 17, 2012

Nashua

This is something that had popped into my Facebook Newsfeed earlier in the week, and I saw it again today, so I've decided to share it with you all because it just kinda makes my day. (In more ways than you can imagine).

From a woman named Gail Cook to Panera Bread:
"My grandmother is passing soon with cancer. I visited her the other day and she was telling me about how she really wanted soup, but not hospital soup because she said it tasted "awful" she went on about how she really would like some clam chowder from Panera. Unfortunately Panera only sells clam chowder on Friday. I called the manager Sue and told them the situation. I wasn't looking for anything special just a bowl of clam chowder. Without hesitation she said absolutely she would make her some clam chowder. When i went to pick it up they wound up giving me a box of cookies as well. Its not that big of a deal to most, but to my grandma it meant a lot. I really want to thank Sue and the rest of the staff from Panera in Nashua NH just for making my grandmother happy. Thank you so much!"
I think this is one of the sweetest things I've ever read... Panera is a wonderful location to go for food and the service I've had is always impeccable. But the location in this story touches me on a person level.

I used to live in Nashua.

I moved to PA back in 2005 after living there for 7 years, and I've always considered Nashua to be the place where I'd always call home. It's such a beautiful town, with the center being a main street with shops to look in and friendly people to talk with. Part of me thinks that if I don't make it across the pond to live out the rest of my days, I'll move back to NH. I truly love the weather and the people, the location and the state of mind. I feel as if the way of life is simpler, but I know that's only based on past experience. (And let's not forget, 0% sales tax!)

So from one day just going through the motions of checking my Facebook I see that Nashua has once again touched the world in a way that it's done so to me.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

A New Adventure

So I tried something new today...

This is what my hair looks like when it's down and kinda a mess:


This was taken a few weeks ago, yeah it's not that long.....

This is what my hair looks like when it's in 4 braids and in a bag:

It's the latest fashion don't ya know(;

Because 40 minutes later it looked like this:

Soggy Hair...
Dry hair in which my "true colours" are showing...
and I do believe this is what my hair looked like when I was younger too.
My Mustache ^.^

And to culminate this post, what all this is for is that I trusted a dear friend of mine to turn my hair into this:
Oh so pretty, eh?

So that I could finally look like this:
Purple and Blue tips(: 

 As my first time doing this, I love it! What do you guys think?


There's Others Like Us?!


Oh let's get away,
even if it's for the day.
I know somewhere new,
a magical place of fun...
It's N E P A's BlogCon!


A little bit of poetic advertisement, just to help out the wonderful people that have helped me to get my poems and name out to the world valley(: Trust me, it'll be worth attending if you can!


The Invisible

Here I lie awake
as the darkness hides the truth:
Nothing crawls on me.
Yet I still feel them moving,
the bugs I can't send away.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Smell the Memories

I love how a smell
can remind you of what was,
of the here and now,
of how things could have turned out,
and of all that never did.

Keeping In Touch

If life will allow,
we won't be apart for long.
We will find our way
around every obstacle.
The heart knows not of distance.

Time to Face the Goodbyes

I'm thinking about
all the memories we have...
the good and the bad.
But now it is time to go;
I'm going to miss your face.
10 days until Move-In Day at Albright... so many goodbyes to say before all the new hellos come out to play!


Sunday, August 12, 2012

Headache

In my head there lives
a pounding that fills it up.
Pain that throbs throughout.
A mixture of stress and tears,
hopefully sleep can cure it.

Hope for Sweet Dreams

I think I'll sleep now.
Find some solace in my dreams.
Leave reality.

Safe In The End

Standing on the edge,
she looks at the world below.
She looks side to side.
She looks up to the blue sky.
Who or what really saved her?

Friday, August 10, 2012

In A Publicly Lived Life...

What is privacy?
You can’t have any secrets.
Personal bubbles?
They’re the stuff myths are made from.
The skeletons will get you.

An Emotional Marathon

My feelings ran strong;
Sorrow and hurt through my veins.
But they’ve taken their course.
Now my body is left drained,
as my eyelids grow heavy.

Summer's Lullaby

I hear the hummed song
the crickets play ev’ry night.
They feel Summer’s end.
While it’s end is their demise,
they sing of life, not of death.

The Hideaway

A leaf floats gently
to embrace the lovers’ bed
on the cold soft ground.

You'll Read What You Want To

. . . . .
. . . . . . .
. . . . .
I dare you to reread it.
Your thoughts will fill the silence.

I'll Go Away, One Day...

I can’t wait until
I can pack up and just go.
Go far, far away.
Disappear without notice.
But maybe I’ll leave a note.

Daddy Dearest

In the end, what counts?
What if you tried to be there,
Through my childhood.
Can I look past what I saw,
past the fog of truthful lies?

Torn

How do you define
the relationship between
mother and daughter?

Passenger

In the car we sit
side by side as we head home.
Nothing is spoken...
Except from you to the phone.
I’m still sitting here, alone.

All Alone

If you have mastered
the art of soft, silent tears,
you can get through it.

Thursday, August 09, 2012

Mother Hen

If there was ever a word or phrase I would use to describe myself, without seeming self centered or full of myself, I'd say I'm a "Mother Hen".... You see, I don't really have a specific group of friends I hang out with anymore, I more so am a floating entity among many. But regardless of who you are, I want to be there for you. If I can be just an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry upon, I will do my best to be that person you can trust your life and your stories to. It's just that I... I don't really know what it's like to have that kind of person. And that's okay. I'm not used to opening up to people. I write. That's how I keep things from bottling up inside of me. I can't let the pressure build up again... It was a lonely, dark and scary path that I walked just to release it, and I could have gone down farther if I didn't reach for soft ink instead of cold metal. Surprising? It really shouldn't be, I've wrote about it before. But no worries, because I've decided that my life isn't about me. Sure I need to take care of myself, make sure I'm safe and happy and all... but I'm pretty sure I'm more so here to be there for others. Take tonight for example. This girl who I merely sat with at the lunch table last year and I have grown to be friends and had posted a status about needing something to cheer her up. So me, knowing that she had some friends that were going to be at the fire I was heading to, invited her along. We ended up sitting near the fire and just talking... We talked about divorce, how terrible dads can be, and the future of what was going to happen when it time to get married. We talked about having crushes and relationships, first kisses and mistakes. I told her things that at this point I'd tell anyone if it would make them feel better in knowing that I know what it's like to feel terrible and not know where to go. Quite simply, I'm still here because I need to be. I don't know where my life long journey is taking me, but I've been there for the people that need me. I will continue to be here for those who need someone to count on. They may not know it, but I will always keep an eye and an ear out for them. I've seen what troubles look like within my very own soul, and I can see it in yours.

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Achoo!

Hello all.

It's been quite awhile hasn't it?

I suppose it's all my fault. I mean, whose else could it be? You all have been busy blogging away and putting up, I have no doubt, fabulous posts like you always have.

And yet there's me.

Meh.

Where to start? That does seem to be a frequent problem of mine... Of course the beginning is a logical point of departure, but it's figuring out where the train leaves the station that's hard. And did I need to take five minutes to figure out different ways to put into words a new chapter, the first dip of a toe, or very simply the start? I know I didn't HAVE to... but it's nice to put my brain to work once again. You see, it's been quite awhile.

But I think I've already made that point here.

What is my point here?

Oh my... I suppose I could take that down the long road of why am I here, on this planet, but to be frank I don't think I have the mental capacity at 2:30 in the morning to ponder on that subject.

Perhaps I should start blogging at a normal hour.

A normal hour... Besides normal being vastly overrated, I haven't gotten to bed before two in the morning in over a month now. My brain can't shut off, and so I find myself back on my laptop connecting with people I'll be meeting at school in 16 days, checking Facebook and Twitter, checking for new comments here and seeing if I have any emails. When there's nothing left, I'm left to ponder alone in the darkness.

Pondering can be dangerous. I used to have a boyfriend that was enough to keep me attached to my phone until my eyelids gave out, but I ended things with him. So I suppose this is now kind of a relationship update... And yes, I thought I loved him. But I also love the rain, to write haiku, and my aunt's pasta salad. The difference is that I wasn't IN love. Sure, it was beautiful and he was a great guy. He was good to me and really would do anything for me. But there were several problems.

1) We never truly met in person, outside of seeing each other at an Albright event.

2) He was no longer going to Albright. A 6 hour long distance relationship built from not knowing each other in person? As much as I wanted to make it work with such a gentleman, it wasn't practical. As a friend told me as I was struggling with figuring out what was best: "He's a penpal, not a boyfriend." Harsh, but true.

3) This I think is the biggest reason.  He wanted my life. He thought he was head-over-heels for me and that I was "The One". As I've said before... I can't live my life like that. I can't wake up to a new day knowing that my life is dominated in that sense. One day I will be able to do that... but I need to make a few mistakes here and there, I need to have my heart broken, to make a real face-to-face in person connection with a man I have grown to trust. It can't happen over night, or over a week. To be in love, I believe you have to first  be good friends, then God willing the magic will go from there. I believe you have to know the struggles that life has given you in order to know what it's like to count on that other person, to know what it's like to have them be there for you. You have to laugh together, cry together, hold each other, wish, hope and dream with each other. There's so many elements, and to have that expected of me was just too much. We barely knew one another, and it wasn't fair to either of us to keep us closed off from the endless possibilities that college is going to bring us.

Phew.

Those thoughts have been swirling around my head for the past week since I broke it off, and now I'm just ready to face the rest of the world as I've grown accustomed. On my own.

I swear to you it's not as depressing as it may seem.

If I am ever to be truly happy, with or without someone else by my side, I need to make sure I can be happy on my own.

I see it like this: If there can be electric cars that run by themselves, by the electricity that they create just by running... then there's nothing to stop them but time. To have gasoline as back up is wonderful, but to be able to support oneself is important. This is how I see my happiness. I cannot stay happy 24/7 by counting on others to be my gasoline. I need to make my own electricity. I need to support myself. I need to get my life under control, to find motivation within myself, to accomplish things out of my own ambition. Again, I know it's good to have others to be there to support me when it gets hard to swim on my own, but there can't always be lifeboats around to save me.

So yeah... that's been a lot of what's on my mind lately. As school is coming around the bend again, I'm slightly going crazy... I have a few thousand dollars left to come up with to pay just for this semester, then another few for the Spring semester. I have to continue this battle with my ever so filled room of stuff. It's wonderful though, knowing that a lot of the whatnot I've gathered over my 18 years will be going to kids who need it instead of just sitting and collecting dust. And oh, right, there's officially living with Lyme Disease too. But hey, I finished my medication a few weeks back and I've been pretty decent ever since so I think it's become just a waiting game of watching for the return of symptoms. People on Facebook keep on telling me how strong I am and how I have such a great attitude towards having it... but I don't really get it. To me, it's like having the Chicken Pox (which I had when I was little, on top of a double ear infection... boy is that a story for another day haha!) and so why would I face life any differently? Maybe I don't understand the bigger picture or the complications I'm facing, but my room's not going to clean itself, my stuff isn't going to come to life like Toy Story and climb into the boxes for me, and my laundry isn't going to wash itself either. I can't curl up and watch my life pass before me because I now have another wonderful quirk. Maybe someone can tell me that I'm being overly optimistic and I need a good dose of depression? Don't want to let me get too high on this hot air balloon of happiness now don't we?

Yes, I am just kidding. And now I'm just going to sleep. I will hopefully have more for you to feast your eyes on tomorrow, but in the mean time I feel like sharing this potentially quite useless fact with you:

You cannot sneeze while asleep.

So for those who are trying to avoid someone by sleeping, don't sneeze. To those trying to check if they're kids, spouse, or other person is asleep... if you hear them sneeze then the answer would be NO.

Carry on, happy sneeze listening.



Friday, August 03, 2012

Heart's Reality

Oh sweet summer love...
It came to me through a dream,
thought to have no end.

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Penny Rock

What if you could place
this little symbol of luck,
upon cold, hard rock?
Take the penny, make it one
with stone to last forever.
Pennies pressed into a rock at Salt Springs State Park in Montrose, Pa.
(Featured as NEPA Blog's header of the week August 1st, 2012)