Wednesday, September 26, 2012

A Reminder to Keep Hope

Back home, life's been going crazy. There's no other way to say it but there have been 4 suicides within the past two weeks. I don't know who the kids were, but it was due to bullying. After seeing all the statuses over Facebook about how terrible bullies are, I wrote this.

I woke up today at 7 like any other normal Monday, Wednesday or Friday... and it's the first and most important thing to be grateful for. I feel that at this point, after hearing about all the tragedies back home, and knowing what some of my own friends are going through, I have to say that there is always hope. I know what those other kids were saying made you feel like nothing, I know what it's like to have no answers. I know what it's like to be at the mercy of the hands of time.... But don't loose hope. I know it's too late to help you now, you've moved on. But to those you left behind, and perhaps you can keep this in mind in that new world you're now part of. Don't loose hope. It's the last thing you will have in the end. I've had this idea of hope for a little over a year now, and it goes a little something like this: 

"Although it may seem like there's no hope in sight, don't let go. Don't loose sight of who you are and what you aspire to be. Because there is always hope. Hope is there, under your skin, pulsing throughout your body. For as long as there is a heart to keep you living, there is hope that tomorrow may bring a better day. There is hope that the hands that are only your own may make your troubles go away. You have the power to make your life the best it is. Even if you can't change the circumstances, the state of mind you perceeve them in makes all the difference. Sometimes the reminder is all in the wrist..." (originally seen here)

I am so sorry that you thought it was your time to go. You had so much life left to live. But the bottom line is this, what's done is done. We can only look forward now. Comfort those who need it, give space to others. Everyone's taking it one day at a time. Things will look up, as long as you believe in the hope that it will.
RIP ♥

Sunday, September 23, 2012

So the Truth Comes Out

I'm not surprised.
So you're really someone else,
that's not a big deal.
It's not like I trusted you,
let you in, counted on you....

Thursday, September 20, 2012

An Open Cell

I'm hidden away,
a prisoner of this life...
Yet I hold the key.
I can leave at any time,
but the unknown keeps me here.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Once In A Moment

Hello and goodbye,
this is the way of my life.
There's no chance you'll stay.

Too Many Leftover....

I made the cookies
to share with all of my friends,
not for me to eat.
They took. They ate. Now I'm home...
And I can't not eat what's left!

No Nap for Me

Lying in the sun,
I tried to catch up on sleep.
Instead, I just bake.

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Peace, Love, and Coffee


Life gets so complicated sometimes.
Everything builds up,
like dominoes waiting to be knocked over.
Once one wobbles,
they all fall.
Soon you're sitting alone in the dark,
looking down at a cup of coffee,
wishing it had all the answers.
You feel the warmth between your hands,
take the holder off,
and feel the smoothness of the cup.
Taking in the spicy aroma,
you take a sip.
Go beyond that which is in your hands...
hear the crickets chirping,
the pond's fountain slurping.
Notice those who walk past under the lights,
but do not notice you in return.
Feel the cool breeze on your bare arms
and know that sweatpants was a smart choice.
Close your eyes.
See with your body.
Feel the way your feet
press into the rock wall.
Feel the presence of peace
coming from the world around you.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Take a moment to pause
and breathe.
You take another sip,
and feel the coffee go down.
Do you see the way it embodies nature?
The way it embodies peace?
The way it puts you back together again?
It may not be much...
But it will be enough to keep you going.
Just sit awhile in this peace.
When you feel right,
once you sit a little taller,
hear life a little clearer,
see things a little easier,
ease yourself off the wall...
and walk.
With each step,
feel the weight lift off your shoulders.
The breeze once again will surround you
in such a way that should prove as a reminder:
You have friends who love you.
You have friends who will be there for you.
You have friends who want you to count on them.
Let your mind rest tonight in peace.
Tomorrow's a brand new day.
You'll be okay.


Dedicate to T.R, the one who kept me company while letting me still be alone... Thank you.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Beauty

Death comes upon us
as something more beautiful
than it was in life.

Saturday, September 15, 2012

On My Own

It's amazing what you observe when sitting with coffee in hand... for at least two hours I sat outside enjoying the cool breeze and the warmth of the sun. I tried to listen to the simplicity of the day, the song of the birds and the cries of the crickets, but my peace was broken by conversation. I watched people walk by, and how they were so wrapped up in the drama of their world. Did they notice the way the light turned the grass to gold? The way the clouds brush white against the sky? The girl sitting with coffee in hand? It's like I was invisible... But I was okay with that. I didn't want people asking if I was alright... I didn't want to start crying again. Because the story is this: I'm not alright. I've gotten to the point of saying that I'm content with life as it is, but then life just kinda decides that I shouldn't be, and that I need more problems to deal with. As it stands, I'm still here, I've gotten through everything it's thrown at me so far, and I should be able to deal with whatever new concoction it comes up for me. But I can't. There's just too much any more... and I'm kind of afraid I'll go back down the dark road I was on earlier in the year. I know I have people that I can count on here, but I'm not used to it. I'm not used to the constant support, to the fact that I don't have to sit on my own and deal with it all myself. I say I'm an open book, and I tell people what they want to know about me when it's in the past. It's the current stuff, the stories that aren't finished yet that I have a problem with. I can be strong for other people, I can support them and help them, but I hate showing that I can't be strong for myself. I can't even write what's going on... because if I do then I'm acknowledging that it's reality. Out of sight, out of mind. But I need to face it... time's running out and October will be here before I know it.........

Saturday, September 08, 2012

Hair Cut!!

Remember what my hair looked like a few weeks ago? I had coloured it to be blue and purple. (You should click there to see!)

But I just got my hair cut.....

And uh.....

It's different.

Naturally I have pictures to narrate this tale with!

Look at how long!

Say bub-bye bleach!

Goodbyeee! Now time to wash and style.

Ta-daaaa!


 
Note the length again.....
and the difference!

To be honest... I think it's short. I think it's really really short. But it's nice. With all the changes I'm going through, it was something that needed to happen. And it'll grow back, so even if I didn't like it, why fret about it?

The Process of a Wish Collage


Inspired off of my Wish ramblings from a few nights ago.... this is a collage I did for my play writing class. Scroll down after you've thought all your thoughts on what you think it means, with the title for a hint.







My reasoning is as so:

There are so many faces in the world. So many people. We all want things we can’t have. So we wish. We wish on everything. We wish for everything. The moment we see a shooting star, it is our instinct to make a wish. So we do. But then we forget. We forget what we wished on. We all have so many thoughts running through our heads that for awhile we keep it all straight, but time gets to us and it all starts to run together, until we can’t remember it any more. So we forget. Then more time passes. We live our lives and move on. Then we remember. There comes a day when we find something we lost, when we have an idea that lights up the world’s biggest light bulb, when déjà vu catches up to us. We remember what we might have wished for. Time takes its toll on all of us. When we wish, it doesn’t happen as soon as you might have liked, but the wishes do come true. It just takes time. And time goes on and on and....

So the pictures work like this:

The underlying meaning is Time... thus the big clock. Then the "story" goes from the bottom left, up and around. The first one is faces... lots and lots of faces. The second, shooting stars. The third is for thoughts. The top of the the picture you see distinct patches of colour. These are for all the individual thoughts. As the the colours run together, it shows how thoughts run together until you can't remember the distinction between them all. And the fourth is for remembrance.

Thursday, September 06, 2012

Wish (Rough Draft)

I made a wish one day. It was a good wish, like all the ones before it. I never tend to wish on the same thing more than once... too many lost opportunities that way. But after I wish, I forget. I forget exactly what I wished for. I don't remember what I don't have. What I want to have.

Days go by. Life goes on. I wish more. I forget on what. But I know I have. I know that I've lost eye lashes, seen the stars that shoot, lived through 11:11. Any chance I get I wish. I wish for what I need then and there. Then I forget. I forget that wishes take awhile to process...

Then life moves on. It changes. I hurt. I laugh. I cry. I jump for joy. I think. I look back. I think. I think. I think as hard as my poor little mind can. I try to remember. I try. I try. I think. I try to think. I try to remember. I remember. I wished. I remember now. I forgot my wish. I remember.

My heart. It was cold. It felt nothing. Like a black hole. Or a corpse. Nothing. Not like a foot falling asleep kind of nothing. But a nothing kind of nothing. Something was missing. Feeling was missing. So I wished for feeling.

Now I have feeling. And it hurts. I thought I had found happiness. But happiness left me for lonely. It was only because I needed to get what I wished for. And I wished to have feeling. I got what I wished for.

I wake up every day with the feeling of a little pain in my chest. I can't move on from it. I can't forget about it. It's just there. It's with every heart beat. It's in every breath. Feeling. This is the feeling of being alive. This is the feeling of what getting a wish is like. This is what I get for wishing. This is what it is like to remember. This is what I need to have to make happiness so much sweeter. I can't make myself move on. Time does that. I could wish. I wish I could wish. But wishing can only take me half way. Time has to take me farther. Time will get me where I need to be. In time.... I wish.

Monday, September 03, 2012

Thrown Away... Again

You think things will change
when you're given a new start...
Who are you kidding?
There will always be people
who will see you as nothing.

The Forgotten Tome

I've hidden with books...
My life fits here perfectly.
I wait in silence.
It takes a special person
to find my spot on the shelf.

College Re-Cap

It's week two of college.

I will forever wish for a nap.

There will never be a perfect time to do home work.

There will always be something I leave for last minute.

This is week two of college.

Here is what it's like:

My schedule is pretty well balanced. I have a history class on the Renaissance, a First Year Seminar on Hamlet and the Liberal Arts, and one about Play Writing every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Then I have Sociology 101 on Tuesdays and Thursdays. As it stands right now, the course work is easy to stay on top as long as I don't let myself get too preoccupied with becoming a Class-A procrastinator.

When it comes to fitness, well, I shared with you all the philosophy of no work-out classes = becoming fat and dying. If not, read that here. But even if I didn't go every week, just walking to classes is one hell of a work out! Rather, I should say going home every time I forget something or feel the need to is where the exercise comes in. A few friends and I have concluded that to walk from my dorm to Masters Hall is about a quarter of a mile. So mix that in with the 4 flights of steps, up and down of course.... All I have left to say on this is that by the end of this, my butt's gonna look good. (:

So let move on to all the other things I shall be involving myself with. Out of all of the things I signed up for, being part of the Improv group that Albright has: Less Than or Equal To Improv and Comedy Troupe. I have found myself in an interesting mix of people that make me laugh and make me feel welcome, and as the new kid here, it's kinda really really nice. It gives me the ability to play all the crazy theatre games I love to play and without any kind of pressure.

Besides Improv, I'm going to be working with a group that is writing and literary focused. I'm not sure if I'll be heading to the Literary Magazine (though I will definitely be submitting my work there!) or the Newspaper, or maybe the Artistic magazine that covers music, theatre, and well... art. On top of that, I'm definitely going to be part of the yearbook. My camera and I... we're good buddies. And after I find my battery charger, I'll have more pictures to put up, but for now, here are some from my first Sunday here.

At Albright, we see the light of learning.

The Theatre

Pstttt! I have a something to tell you!

Peek-A-Boo!

Art

Jacob Albright, founder of Albright
Well.... Now I'm sitting in class for Play Writing that starts in 4 minutes, so my killing of the past hour has resulted in this. I'll have to share more later but for now, this is all you've got(:

Waiting

In the light filled room,
I sit watching the wind blow.
The rain will start soon.

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Puddles

From the sky it fell,
creating a temptation
of wet, jumpy fun.

Saturday, September 01, 2012

They Start to Fall

On my way to class,
something brown catches my eye.
A leaf has fallen.