I made a wish one day. It was a good wish, like all the ones before it. I never tend to wish on the same thing more than once... too many lost opportunities that way. But after I wish, I forget. I forget exactly what I wished for. I don't remember what I don't have. What I want to have.
Days go by. Life goes on. I wish more. I forget on what. But I know I have. I know that I've lost eye lashes, seen the stars that shoot, lived through 11:11. Any chance I get I wish. I wish for what I need then and there. Then I forget. I forget that wishes take awhile to process...
Then life moves on. It changes. I hurt. I laugh. I cry. I jump for joy. I think. I look back. I think. I think. I think as hard as my poor little mind can. I try to remember. I try. I try. I think. I try to think. I try to remember. I remember. I wished. I remember now. I forgot my wish. I remember.
My heart. It was cold. It felt nothing. Like a black hole. Or a corpse. Nothing. Not like a foot falling asleep kind of nothing. But a nothing kind of nothing. Something was missing. Feeling was missing. So I wished for feeling.
Now I have feeling. And it hurts. I thought I had found happiness. But happiness left me for lonely. It was only because I needed to get what I wished for. And I wished to have feeling. I got what I wished for.
I wake up every day with the feeling of a little pain in my chest. I can't move on from it. I can't forget about it. It's just there. It's with every heart beat. It's in every breath. Feeling. This is the feeling of being alive. This is the feeling of what getting a wish is like. This is what I get for wishing. This is what it is like to remember. This is what I need to have to make happiness so much sweeter. I can't make myself move on. Time does that. I could wish. I wish I could wish. But wishing can only take me half way. Time has to take me farther. Time will get me where I need to be. In time.... I wish.