Thursday, September 06, 2012

Wish (Rough Draft)

I made a wish one day. It was a good wish, like all the ones before it. I never tend to wish on the same thing more than once... too many lost opportunities that way. But after I wish, I forget. I forget exactly what I wished for. I don't remember what I don't have. What I want to have.

Days go by. Life goes on. I wish more. I forget on what. But I know I have. I know that I've lost eye lashes, seen the stars that shoot, lived through 11:11. Any chance I get I wish. I wish for what I need then and there. Then I forget. I forget that wishes take awhile to process...

Then life moves on. It changes. I hurt. I laugh. I cry. I jump for joy. I think. I look back. I think. I think. I think as hard as my poor little mind can. I try to remember. I try. I try. I think. I try to think. I try to remember. I remember. I wished. I remember now. I forgot my wish. I remember.

My heart. It was cold. It felt nothing. Like a black hole. Or a corpse. Nothing. Not like a foot falling asleep kind of nothing. But a nothing kind of nothing. Something was missing. Feeling was missing. So I wished for feeling.

Now I have feeling. And it hurts. I thought I had found happiness. But happiness left me for lonely. It was only because I needed to get what I wished for. And I wished to have feeling. I got what I wished for.

I wake up every day with the feeling of a little pain in my chest. I can't move on from it. I can't forget about it. It's just there. It's with every heart beat. It's in every breath. Feeling. This is the feeling of being alive. This is the feeling of what getting a wish is like. This is what I get for wishing. This is what it is like to remember. This is what I need to have to make happiness so much sweeter. I can't make myself move on. Time does that. I could wish. I wish I could wish. But wishing can only take me half way. Time has to take me farther. Time will get me where I need to be. In time.... I wish.

2 comments:

  1. Wow what an insiring post. I wish I could wish - I love this line.
    It's great that we have the opportunity to wish. Our wishes can let us move on, go further, reach something of which we once thought would be impossible.
    Sometimes we wish something, and later forget it, maybe because it wasn't that important or we weren't able to see at that moment that our wish already came true, or started to come true.
    To think about ourselves and what we want, to be able to think is important to make our wishes. So I guess the biggest wish is everyday, every morning the same:

    I wish that I can feel that I can still wish.

    Because feeling is the most important sense, feeling is life. So when that wish came true, you can forget it, even though you'll never forget it.

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    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! I actually did a collage for my playwriting class based off of this thought... and I explained it in such a way that you did here. But I love your line of "I wish that I can feel that I can still wish". I believe that to be able to wish is to always hold on to a little ounce of hope, and to always have hope is part of the many keys to life.

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