Saturday, April 28, 2012

Bigger Isn't Always Better

This will be one out of hopefully a few stories that I will get up here from my 3 day trip to Boston... Out of everything we did, I had a stupendous time, but there were some things that made me realize that the life I'm making for myself is what I really do want.


It's a school that's held in such high regards and is the "top-of-the-line".


Honestly, I have nothing against those who go there, or those who strive to. In my own, very personal opinion, it's just not for me.

When my friends and I were dropped off there, the first thing we did is walked around campus.

Not "around" campus as in ON the grounds, but "around" as in we legitly walked a sidewalk in a circle like path, following the high fence that surrounds the campus.

In all reality, we were trying to find food.


But back to the main point of the story.

When we decided to walk onto campus, a few words popped into my head.





The buildings were so big, and the fence made it seem so closed off from the world, and it just... I don't know. It's not that it wasn't impressive, because it was, it's just that it seemed like everything was... so out of reach. I'm not going to cut myself down and say that I'm not smart, because I know I do have some brains in this head of mine, but I'm not at the tippy top of my class. And the name of Harvard just seems so, prestigious that it seems only the very best can go there, and I know I'm not the very best.

So anyways, walking around with my two best friends, I realized how different this big name school was from Albright. And it made me happy to know that I had found a place that makes me feel that I'm supposed to be there, that makes me feel wanted and safe. All the feelings I get on Albright's campus... It was the total opposite at Harvard. Look at it like this: feeling in your heart all the compassion in the world, then on the flip side, feeling nothing... a void that's something like a black hole.

But yeah, it's late, I haven't gotten much sleep, and I've been bouncing around with an outburst of ADD induced by little sleep and crazy feelings and blah ever since I got home so it's taken awhile to get it all out, but there you go(:

Friday, April 27, 2012

Now You're Just a Secret ...

Mmkay so I feel the need to share some secrets of this trip... To start, I'm an excellent secret keeper but when it comes to this stuff I can't hide it from the world....




Hey now don't stop reading!



You're gonna wanna see this!!



Have you ever seen the show The Sing-Off?

The second season ended with Committed as the season champs, but season three ended with Pentatonix.




They are........



I don't even know how to describe them.....

Amazing? Wonderful? Stupendous? Supermegafoxyawesomehot? Extravagant?


Just watch this and you'll understand.

It's the secret backtrack of this whole Senior Class Trip here in Boston.


(and yes, closing your eyes and swaying to the music is perfectly okay! I do it too.)

Somebody That I Used To Know
(Gotye cover)

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

What to Write While in Pain

I'm sitting here facing the screen...

and I don't know what to write anymore.

I feel as if any urge to type and put my thoughts definitively down are gone.

And it kind of makes me sad.

I do want to write... I really do! I just don't know what to write or how I want to say it... my mind is full of all sorts of different things that are whirling around and clinging on to one another for dear life... but I can't seem to keep them in place long enough to make it make sense.

And to top it all off... There's this pain, inside my chest.

I'm sure it's something to worry about, because when I swallow, once it hits the lower end of that tube that connects my mouth to my stomach, it gets worse.

I feel like there's this death grip on my heart...

That is, if it's even my heart.

When I swallow it puts pressure on the left side, and the right side feels fine.

Maybe I just scratched it when I ate popcorn on Sunday, and eating irritates it.


Probably not.

I would take this way more seriously if BOSTON wasn't less than a day away.

I am so freaking close to the reality I've been waiting for, and then my body decides to go and do something weird to make things complicated.

I refuse to let anything stop me getting to Boston... And I'll be dammed if I'm denied the ability to combine my world of PA with that of my childhood in NH.

All I have to do is eat Cheerios, three at a time and take tiny sips of water. That's what causes the least amount of pain in me.

After that, when I get back on Friday.... I'll go to the doctor, and see what's up.

I know.... I probably sound INCREDIBLY stupid for playing games and tempting fate and for having the mentality of "it could never happen to ME!" but I need to make Boston work. I need to go up there and to live my life and to see what could have happened if things were different. I need to have that satisfaction of my friends meeting each other, that ability to put two worlds together.

I need my friends from PA to see where I came from.

How I got my start.

Who I trusted first.

I need my friends from NH to see who has helped me become who I am today.

Who's been there for me.

Who I'll never let go.

I need to be able to sit down, and in one glance, see the people that mean the most to me.

Boston is going to do that for me.



I'm taking it easy.. trying to get rest and not stress out. I'm taking a single ibuprofen to be on the safe side, because I really shouldn't play with fire. And I'm often turning my thoughts inside of me... Closing my eyes and feeling for that pain, making sure it hasn't gotten worse. If it has, I promise to not keep it to myself and to get help as quickly as possible.

So going from a post about nothing, I turned it to this pain that at this point has kind of subsided by my sitting here. And please please please don't worry about me... I'll be fine(:

Monday, April 23, 2012

My Prom Ticket Story

So I haven't been able to type up what happened about prom until tonight, so here's the short story.. Because it is, quite simply, short.

I woke up at 6 and got dressed, put my glasses on and my contacts in my purse, and got picked up at 6:30. Because we woulda been REALLY early, we stopped by Dunkin' to get food. Because I didn't grab Breakfast OR Lunch, I got a coffee and an egg sandwich for Breakfast, and a chocolate chip muffin for Lunch. Hey, whatever works right? (:

We got to the school and thought no one was there yet until we saw someone walk into the school and when we got there there was a line... so thus I quickly counted and with a sigh of relief I was handed a Popsicle stick. Quite content with life, I sat down until the people with the paperwork got there and proceeded to take this picture:

Happiness in an overly large cup, My popsicle stick (I was #14 out of 30!) and my friend Kelsey's feet :P 
So thus is my Prom Ticket Story... Nothing overly interesting, but 'twas a happy ending... so far!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Advice for a Teenager (Paper)

When asked “what advice would you give to a teenager,” Kay, Keith, and Brian all answered with good advice. Each one of the participants is at a different stage of adulthood, which gives a range of answers. For teenagers getting ready to enter adulthood, hearing such words of wisdom may help them with their future as adults, something that will be starting soon at age 20.
Young adulthood is considered to be from age 20 to age 41. Keith is an admissions counselor for a college out in Kentucky. When given the question, he replied in the form of email writing, “Enjoy the little things in life…nature, laughing, friends, etc. They do wonders for the soul.” He also commented on keeping hope in the life that is to come, along with how to overcome hard times. “On bad days, realize that it’s only temporary and that tomorrow is a brand new day. Here’s something that I always ask myself when faced with a problem ‘Will this matter a year from now?’ Usually the answer is no. Also, do things that bring you a sense of happiness. What makes you happy? Concentrate on THAT during difficult times. It really helps. Also, keep everything in perspective and realize that there’s always something to be thankful for.” He finished his email with six simple rules, “laugh, love, dance, make mistakes, dream [but most of all] LIVE.” He still has a few years before he reaches middle adulthood, a stage of life that Brian is new to.
When I told him the question, Brian is a landlord who, at age 42, has much to say on this topic. But when trying to decide what he saw most valuable, all he came up with is what to do when traveling. “The best thing I can tell you [is to] be constantly aware of your surroundings. You never know what those around you are thinking.” Upon having much experience working with people, Brian knows how to keep himself safe. This is a good thing to learn because still has a lot of life to go before he reaches older adulthood.
Grammy Kay, a family friend, is 71 and has been retired for many years. A churchgoer every Sunday, she believes that to “be active in your... church.” “Be helpful,” she continued, “help anyone, like [the] elderly or little kids, just anybody.” Grammy Kay also included a reminder about school as well. “Be active in your school,” and, “do the best you can.” Her last thought was “be kind to people,” and adding with a laugh, “and pets too!” As a teenager myself, I definitely agree with everything that was said. I know that I will be able to look back on this experience and use it within my own life. I love how Grammy Kay went back to the basics, while Keith took on an almost philosophical tone. Brian at first took it light-heartedly, but then when he got serious he gave me the advice that will forever echo in the back of my head when I travel. As I continue through life, I think I’ll continually ask myself, “what advice would I give to a teenager?”

Thursday, April 19, 2012

I Don't Know...

If the last 30 tickets are sold for Prom by the time I get to school around 7 am tomorrow... I don't know if I'll be pissed that I can't go to my Senior Prom, if I'll cry because I won't be able to get all dolled up and dance with my friends at a high school dance one last time, or relieved because I won't have to deal with it anymore. It'll happen the way it should. If I'm meant to go then I'll be there early enough before 7am to be one out of the 30 tickets....

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Even More Potter?!? :D

So this morning, I logged on to Blogger and found that I had a lot of reading ahead of me, which is something that always makes me happy and I look forward to being able to put my 2 cents out into the world. But then I remembered I had to try something, so I did...


It's something that has gone BOOM world wide piratically over night (or so it seems). If you're a fan of Harry Potter, then this is something that you should know about. If you're a die-hard fan of Harry Potter, then this is something that you've known about, probably for awhile now.

It's amazing, and addicting, and fascinating....


Needless to say, Laura and I had a good laugh over that one(:

But I'm really quite serious, Pottermore is the shit. It's so cool because J.K. Rowling herself helped to develop it and she gives further insight on the characters and the setting and just the books as a whole. Take this for example, which is found in Chapter 4, Hagrid Arrives.
J.K. Rowling's thoughts 
This is a personal expression, which has nothing to do with tales of the dead.
Over the seventeen years that I planned and wrote the seven Harry Potter books (not to mention Quidditch through the Ages, Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them and The Tales of Beedle the Bard), I generated a mass of information about the magical world that never appeared in the books. I liked knowing these things (which was fortunate, given that I couldn't stop my imagination spewing it all out) and often, when I needed a throwaway detail, I had it ready because of the background I had developed.
I also found myself developing storylines for secondary (or even tertiary) characters that were superfluous to requirements. More of a wrench were the plots I worked out for some much more important characters that had to be sacrificed for the bigger story. All of these I inwardly termed 'ghost plots', my private expression for all the untold stories that sometimes seemed quite as real to me as the 'final cut'. I have occasionally been in conversation with a reader and made mention of part of a ghost plot; looks of consternation cross their faces as, for a split second, they ask themselves whether they have accidentally skipped twenty pages somewhere. I apologise to anyone I might have accidentally wrong-footed in this way; the problem is, literally, all in my head.
by J.K. Rowling
I think that it's so cool that J.K Rowling herself is giving the readers more to add on to the wonderful world that is Harry Potter even after the books and movies are over. So go on ahead, feed your curiosity and create an account... and don't forget to add me! PumpkinOak9461 (:

Click here to start an amazing journey deeper into the world of Harry Potter!!!

Rain, Rain, Stay Away!!

As a senior, there are a lot of exciting things that go on. Between privileges and free time and trips, the end of the year will become increasingly busy. Soon I will be traveling back up to Boston for three days with my senior class. Starting two days ago, the nearness of this trip has really hit me: my heart starts to beat fast, I can't find the words to speak, instead everything comes out as "weeeeeeeeeeee!" or "tehehehehehe!", and I feel like a little kid waiting up for Santa, I can't even sit still for an extended amount of time! You'd have to see me to fully understand the craziness and insanity of the situation. But besides the time to spend with a few of my very close friends, I'm more so excited to combine two worlds.

I used to live up in New Hampshire, years and years ago, and for 6th grade I moved down here to PA. Since then, I've been wanting my best friend from NH to come down and meet the people that have become near and dear to my heart. 6 years later, and it still hasn't happened! (I once made the comment to her that "if Mexicans can sneak across the border then there must be a way to get you down to PA!" I was young (and stupid) then, and didn't realize the implications of my words, but at the time I thought it was a great analogy...) But anyways hopefully I can get her to meet up with some of my friends from down here... And another exciting thing is that I'll also be able to see another friend of mine, and her son who's only a couple months old when we go to the aquarium.

I'm so excited for the drive, for my friends to see a whole new side of what is my world. I checked Accuweather, and it says it's supposed to rain which sucks, but anything can happen between now and next week. I'll be sure to keep you all updated with plots and such!

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Advice for a Teenager

So for Friday, I need to write a short paper with interviews of people in different age groups (20-41, 42-64, and 65+) and their advice for teenagers today. I'm not sure who to ask, so I figure putting it out to the blogging community would give me a good range of varying advice. It can be anything you think that a teenager needs to know, and feel free to leave more than one idea. And if you don't mind, could you also add your age? It doesn't have to be exact, I think I can get away with saying "late twenties" or "early forties" (: Please and thank you!!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Beat Boxing the Time Away

So I had the library all to myself for a little awhile, and it was so incredibly nice and quiet. Upon reading a good friend's blog, Simply, Life, I came across this wicked fun site. It's called INCREDIBOX and with it you can make little compositions with these guys that make different sounds.

This is Greg's arrangement: Baller Status

And this is what I came up with: The First Mix

It's such a fun way to pass the time, if you're feeling ambitious, or just a little bored, you should try it!(:

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Ich Liebe Deutsch Classe!

So I'm sitting on the floor of room 304, in Frau Lameraux's German 1 class.

It's crazy in here.

And I miss it.

I've gone through all four/five years of the German program here at Dallas, and I've loved every second of it. Frau is the greatest teacher I've ever had, and she's been the teacher that's seen me grow up since 7th grade. Frau is so real and down to earth and understanding. She's made the language easy to learn and to comprehend.  But now the school board is starting to cut the program, and it breaks my heart. They don't care that Frau is an amazing person, with quite the skill to teach kids a new language. They see it as a way to save money, and I think it's crazy. I had been told that they hired her years ago in order to build the program, and that she did. Her teaching style is amazing... from the ways she lets us learn our stuff to the projects that we do.

To learn a new vocabulary list, she gives us the opportunity to learn it the way we learn best... from just sitting down and studying it, or playing a game with some friends... Fly swatter and guess the picture or even playing with the Caddie Mat. And it works. Yeah, we have to learn from the book and we do translations and exercises as well, but the point of German is to learn a new language. Who cares if we learn it by writing words in shaving cream upon desks, it's easier and better (and not to mention a lot more fun!) than just staring at a lined piece of paper and waiting for the words to sink in. And the projects... they're something that I know I'll look back on and keep forever. Over the years I've created a menu, brochure, a cooking video (watch here if you really want, I don't remember how well it went, but it was fun), a lexicon, and a story of myself, just to name a few. As a class we've written countless stories and made unforgettable memories. And she exposes us to their culture as well.

When Weihnachten (Christmas) comes around, we learn carols auf Deutsch and make Lebkuchen Haus (Gingerbread house) and find the pickle! We also do things for Carnival and Oktoberfest. Of course a party is involved with each, but only if we get our work done. Oktoberfest consists of making masks and hats, and carnival like games. And it's funny, as I sit here I can't think of much more to list here as example... but I know there are lots that are escaping my memory at the moment.

But my point is, as my butt is going numb from the cold tiled floor, this class, or series of classes are the ones I will never forget. Frau as a teacher is someone that I see becoming a great personal friend, someone who I will send Christmas cards to and visit when I'm home on break. She's helped me get into college and has been the catalyst for the love and passion for learning about the Holocaust and Germany. I love this language, and it's all because of her.

Please, Pretty Please, Words of Advice?

Okay... So this is a desperate call for help. I don't know what to do anymore, and so I'm hoping you guys who are totally outside all of my problems can maybe offer me some words of advice... cause we're like a little family here right? Maybe I'm crazy... No... I'm definitly crazy. But here's everything that I'm facing right now:

Where to start? I think I'll try to lump it all together in bold points, skip ahead if you find something you'd rather not read, I take no offense. But at this point I'm using names just to make it easier to follow. Only maybe two people reading this will be know who I'm talking about, and even then they already know the story. So no harm done in my book. Anyways, here goes nothing:

Friends. Or not friends. I haven't the damndest clue anymore. Earlier in the year, my "best friend" Alyx decided she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. But she didn't tell me this. I started picking up on it when she would TURN HER BACK ON ME during German class to talk to her childhood BFF. It had become the 3 of us that were the really close friends at one point, but when push comes to shove, it's always Alyx and Casey. Noone can come between them, no matter how much Alyx slams Casey with insults. It's all part of their relationship, their banter I suppose. And whenever I hear it and can get a word in edge wise, I defend Casey... I can't help it! *sigh* Sorry I'm getting off topic. Anyways, the ice had been starting to crack for awhile then, and the whole thing fell to shit when Kelsey came up before lunch to me ALMOST IN TEARS because of the crap Alyx would say about me in their AP Bio class. From there, rooming for Boston went all topsy turvey and Alyx and I haven't really talked since.

Thus leads me to my need for advice, Part 1: In the moring, I go to the TV Studio to help with the morning announcements. Earlier in the year I had brought Alyx, Cazey, and Laura with me and my interest to help be a part of it and now we're now basically the ones that run the whole shin-dig. But now that Alyx decided it was time for us to "grow apart", she says nothing to me, and with Casey it's "Alyx is the leader" so she says nothing to me either. And Laura? She'll do anything to stay on Alyx and Casey's good side. I have nothing against her, she's a good friend of mine and I love her to death, but given the choice of Alyx and Casey over me, she'll pick the other 2. I really can't take it any more... The TV studio is one of my favourite things in the morning, I love being part of it. But the company is less than stellar, all I really have is me, myself and I. It would be easier if I could at least get a "hi" or "goodmorning" when I walk in, and a small opening into any discussion they have, but no. I'm shut out.

Prom. May I take a moment to just yell at the top of my lungs? *gets up, walks away from the computer*


*sigh*comes back and proceeds to type* well I feel a little better, I suppose. I'm so tired of Prom! The process has been going on for over a month now, starting with trying to find a dress. And to be completely honest, I'm poor. I clean a family friends house and I babysit. I don't have a regular job at a store or resturant, just a couple hrs after school to try to get enough money to keep me from becoming a bigger burden on my mum. With that being said, I don't have houndreds of dollars to spend on a dress... I don't have the luxery to find my dream dress, one that I'm happy and proud to wear. It doesn't have to be designer, I couldn't care less who made it. I just want to be happy and feel pretty in it. I want to be comfertable. But I don't have that ability. Instead I'm restrained by the saying "beggars can't be choosers". And it's kinda always been that way... Anyways, on top of that there's finding a date. Last year Laura and I were part of an all girls table and let me tell you it was A LOT of fun, no drama, no crap to worry about. but this year I really thought I was going to get asked, the guy I thought was going to do it had given me the third degree about if I was going to prom or not and my favourite flower and colour and just odd things. But instead I was told last night that he's not going to Prom, I was the first one he told cause he thought I should be the first to know. He can't deal with seeing his cousin and his ex together (that's another whole problem that just doesn't need to be explained... a perfect example of high school love triangle, enough said.) when I read the message I swear I heard the sound of a big oak door slam shut... And to add to all the money fun tickets were also sold yesterday, $50 a pop which isn't too bad (my freshman year, I didn't go but the were $90 a piece, and last year they were $45). But when you add it all up, that's a lot of money I really don't have. And Laura's decided to skip out to hang with (guess whos) Alyx and Casey. Sure I have a few other people to sit with, but I just don't want to deal with it any more. I'm too tired.

Boys. Just in general. I thought AJ (The guy I thought'd ask me to Prom) and I had something that might have been starting back up (again long story) but nope no suck luck. I passed that oppurtunity up last summer. That's all you need to know bout that story for now. Maybe I'll write up a better story later. But that's debatable. Regardless, and here's where I'm going to end up contradicting myself 15 different ways, I just want to have fun. I want to be able to go out, see a movie or go mini-golfing and not have to worry about anything. I want a relationship, a connection with someone, but if they're not looking for committment I won't fight them on it, it's almost time to leve for college anyways... So I just want fun! I'd rather have guys as friends than girls anyways, it's much less drama... Untill they seem like the perfect one for a relationship but I've gone down that road once, I don't plan on doing it again unless I KNOW the feeling's mutual. I'm going crazy sitting here at home, when I want to be out and about. Or rather, sitting at home alone. I'm totally fine with relaxing and watching a movie on the couch, or even better let's push the coffee table aside and throw pillows and blankets on the floor. With an arm around me, if we're just friends or something more, I couldn't be happier.

So, I think that's all the turmoil I'm facing that I just don't know what to do with anymore. None of my other friends can really give me advice or help me out, and when I need to talk about it, they're sick of hearing me repeat the same old same old. I've learned that answers can be found in unexpected places, and I'm always up for trying something new. I apologize if you read this hoping to find something interestinng and all you're left with is wasted time and thoughts of "thank God I'm not a girl" or "I so do NOT miss high school". But seriously any words would be greatly aprreciated, more than you will ever know. Thank you all <3

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

My Spring Break

*sigh* Life is full of surprises... did you know that? Oh, I'm sure you do. But if you're waiting for a surprise to happen, then it's not much of a surprise... is it? I don't know... But anyways, I've been away for awhile so here's some of what I've been up to:

I had been dragging my butt to school last Tuesday and Wednesday despite my 101 fever... I popped 3 ibuprofen and within a half hour the room was no longer spinning so off I went! Wednesday was a half day, and leaving school that afternoon was the start of Easter Break!

I babysat for most of Wednesday afternoon, and then totally disregarding my cough I slept over my best friends house. The next day I got up and we made Mac and Cheese with Bacon, and we topped it off with crackers. (Take 1 package Ritz or other like cracker and crush, mix in half a stick of butter.) It actually turned out really good, which is why I'm keeping the recipe embedded in this post (:

From there I went home and showered and went to church, and then a friend came over and we watched RED. (Not too shabby of a movie, it was actually the second time that I had watched it, and it was funnier this time around.) After my friend left, I literally climbed into bed with my skirt and sweater still on and my contacts in and fell asleep... I kinda regretted it when I woke up the next morning, but eye drops are a wonderful thing!

I then proceeded to go to work and clean screens, and instead of going to church Friday night, I stayed and babysat, playing Uno and Guitar Hero. When I got picked up to go home, I was kind of sad that I missed the service but it was nice to relax and just hang out for awhile.

Thus brings me to Saturday... And I don't really remember what happened Saturday... Oh yeah, I was supposed to go over another friend's house to work on a skit but that didn't happen so instead I stayed home and watched TV and kind of did nothing... until Sunday when I cleaned my room.

And it wasn't a half-assed job of just making my room a more organized mess (clothes in this pile over here, bags in another) I full on cleaned and picked everything up and dusted and vacuumed... It's so weird now because I can walk in a straight line from my doorway to my nightstand, instead of having to walk straight in and dance along my bed over things. Cleaning carried into Monday, where I did laundry and organized the top of my desk and dresser as well.

Not to skip over my Easter, but the mood to clean kind of came out of no where and when that happens I have to keep a hold of it or else it just wouldn't have gotten done. But for Easter I got up at 5:30 to get ready for a sun rise service... Silly silly me, for I wore a skirt when everyone else was in jeans (my thinking: It's Easter!!) but I'm glad I grabbed a blanket cause even then I lost feeling in my toes! (yeah, I counted a few more blonde strands in the mirror when I got home). But it was so much fun, colouring eggs at 7 in the morning with my little brother and sister. Patience was running low, but we got it done in good time. The Easter Bunny stopped by when the three of us were at Sunday School, so when we got home everything was in a good kind of way.

So that was my break.... cleaning and babysitting and getting stuff done! Surprises came when I got to make plans next weekend with another friend of mine, and when my mum came downstairs last night telling me she found a friend from my preschool years, along with a new video by Pentatonix. (Watch it... Be amazed... Have your mind absolutely blown....) So that is all that I have for you now... I'll catch up with you all later!(:

Time's Police Box

Travel through time...
Arrive in a period you know little about and
Reach out your hand to those especially in need.
Dr. Who is always there to help,
Investigating the abnormal as he lends his
Sarcasm and wits to get back to his TARDIS.

Saturday, April 07, 2012

Now Protected from Above

She in simple flesh
whispers grace as salt runs down her cheek.
She would yell for her lamb,
but knows that He cannot come back to her.
Body broken.
Blood poured out.
Does she know that now,
He stays watching over her?

Running from Responsibility

Desperate he left her
their love fertile in water.
She now sleeps alone.

The Brightest Light

Darkness of the night,
hides the colour of the day
making room for light.

Friday, April 06, 2012

I Love You with My Body, Mind and Soul

My body wants to be held.
My mind needs to know that it's safe.
My soul strives for this kind of peace.
But my heart...
It just wants to be free

Daisy, Daisy

He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
Around and around I go,
Letting petals fall to the floor.
The stems are just skeletons
of something once so beautiful.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
Atleast that's what I thought.
He loves me not.
Or does he?
He loves me.
He loves me?
Now there's a graveyard of feelings,
looking up at me from my feet.
It's as if each and every petal
is telling me the same thing.
He loves me?
He loves me not.
He loves me.
As I pick up my last victim,
it's center stares at me.
I can hear the petals of the past whisper,
it's time to face the truth.
I ignore it's soft touch
as I start one last time.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
The guilt of my heart knows better,
and it causes me to stop.
This flower grows heavy in my hand
as I begin again.
He loves me.
He loves me not.
He loves me.
I love him not.
I love him.
I love him not.
I love him.
I love him not.

Thursday, April 05, 2012


It's the first day of Easter break.... and my oh my will I have stories to share with you all a bit later(: Until then, have a good week and a Happy Easter!!

The Laramie Project

I've been meaning to write about the play I saw last Saturday night for awhile now... but I haven't been able to find the words to describe what I want to say. On March 31, at Misericordia University, I got to see the Misericordia Players present The Laramie Project. To give you a good picture of what the play is about, I took this from, the main website for the project:
"On October 6th of 1998 Matthew Shepard was beaten and left to die tied to a fence in the outskirts of Laramie, Wyoming. He died 6 days later. His torture and murder became a watershed historical moment in America that highlighted many of the fault lines in our culture.
A month after the murder, the members of Tectonic Theater Project traveled to Laramie and conducted interviews with the people of the town. From these interviews they wrote the play The Laramie Project, which they later made into a film for HBO. The piece has been seen by more than 30 million people around the country."
Not knowing what it was truly about, I had gone just to support a friend of mine who helps with the plays at my high school. From the moment it started, I was absolutely captivated. The whole story was extremely well presented and skillfully handled by each member of the cast. If you are not familiar with how the play is laid out, it's like this:

Each interview that the members of the Tectonic Theater Project conducted was taken and developed into a play. The cast is made up of about 8 or 10 people and each person take on multiple personas, often only having a minute to change into or out of an object of clothing and accent. But for some, it had to happen on stage. With the putting on of a badge on a necklace, my friend went from a member of the interview team to the sheriff with a heavy accent. Needless to say, it was extreamly impressive.

The whole story has a big shock value, and although I didn't ball my eyes out, my head was left in a place of "what-just-happened?!?" It was is such a sad story to hear about. I know that with me seeing it, my life will never be the same. I wish I had better words to say, but let the play speak for itself. If you ever have the chance to go see it, please do.

Monday, April 02, 2012

Spending a Night Home

Soo.... Where to begin? My story goes like this:

On April Fool's day, I had the amazing ability to go to Albright College for a Scholarship Awards Dinner and then an Overnight Visit. And here, I'll be completely honest... Before I got there, I had these crazy butterflies and I was wicked nervous. I'm great with people, a totally new start was everything I'd been wishing for for a long while, and college is something I've been ready for. I had been waiting for this day to arrive for weeks but there it was, staring me in the face and I didn't know what to do.

Getting to the college, I switched out of my oh-so-comfy moccasins and into my high strappy heels and I headed inside with my mum, unable to stop smiling and happy to know that there was no turning back. Seeing the lion holding the door for people going in to register, it automatically put me in this... This-IS-where-I-belong kinda mode. So I gave my name to a lady at the table, and in return I got a name tag with my name (of course) and my high school. From there we went up some steps (then learning that I cannot put a name tag on while walking up a staircase... I blame it on the heels). I then registered for the Overnight, and then it was off into the room full of people that were already there.

Not entirely hungry, my mum and I skipped the table of food laid out and took up a spot on the ramp against the back wall, which allowed for some pretty great people watching. These are the people that I'll be spending my next four years with is all I could think, while trying to figure out who my host for the night would be, and where my friend Kerrie was. So after a little while of scoping out the scene (and being very aware of the cute guy that had moved to stand next to me), my mum and I went out to the school store.

It was definitely cooler and quieter there, so we stayed for a little, checking out the merchandise and other nick-nacks that they had. Deciding upon a red lanyard and a magnet for me, and a car sticker and a magnet for my mum, we headed back into the masses.

It had gotten quite quiet during our absence, and so we quietly snuck through part of the crowd while we tried to figure what everyone was standing around. Then it hit me. From the first break of silence, the school's male accapella group had joined the evening to share with us their beautiful voices. "Sing-Off material," I whispered to my mum. She laughed in agreement. After they were done singing (and my fruitless attempts to go even father on my tippy toes to see more of only the back of their heads) Kerri found us. Not long after that, the parents left to sit down in the cafeteria, while us students stayed behind and waited to get a picture. (And that was when by total chance I found my host, Sara).

Slowly shuffling in, we entered into the lobby of what I think is the Student Center to get the picture. Lining up on the steps, we all heard "Come on, squish in closer..." and "These are your future classmates, roommates, and who knows what else... " and of course "Just one more step closer.... Now another half-step.... one more...." to get this wonderful picture:

What a happy bunch we are, huh? (:

From there, we entered into the cafeteria ever so eloquently decorated the best they could, for it's undergoing a makeover. When I found my table, I got to sit down with two other future Abrightians and their parents, along with one of the English teachers from the school.

Table talk was a bit slow, and with so many more tables, it was hard to hear but over all it was a fun time, with lots to learn from everyone. The food was pretty good, everyone was great company. After we were done eating, there was a presentation on some of the programs Albright offers and a speech from an Alumni who had gone from thinking she was going to be a big-school girl to changing her mind and finding that Albright had been the place for her. Then we got to sit... and sit... and hear a brief bio on all of our classmates. When each person was called, he or she got to go up and get a certificate and a tee-shirt (Something I was very excited to get) as the woman at the podium spoke great words about each of the students.

God bless her soul... the woman that read all EIGHTY-NINE of our introductions. I thought it was a bit hard to stay awake (from the long weekend and little sleep and everything) and the fans were making me cold (yay for keeping my jacket with me!) but to stand up there for at least an hour and read it all out... she's a trooper I'll tell you that! From names to roman numerals, she got through all 89. Needless to say I commended her as we were leaving to get ready for the overnight.

Meeting up with my host, Sara, we walked out to the car, and I didn't hesitate to put my mocs back on. After she insisted on carrying my bag ("part of her job" she said) we started to head to her dorm. Along the way, some of her friends from Rugby called out from a car and thus was my first introduction to other current Albright students.

I wish I could write it all down, but to sum up a really long but TOTALLY WICKED night, when we got to the dorm I got to meet Sara's roommate and her overnightee. We then got comfy in our pajamas, and then headed out to get pizza. walking past the lounge where I saw the guy that had stood next to me earlier (remember, the one on the ramp? I smile as I write, what are the odds?). Anyways, I met more people and said guy joined us on our adventure while his host sadly worked on a paper.

Our adventure took us to Mamma's Pizza and then Sara and I headed down the shops to get apple juice. From there we went back to the lounge, ate pizza, and well... had fun! The "party" then moved from the lounge into Sara and Nickki's room where we talked about everything.

From teachers, repetitive reproductive questions from the nurse, keeping rooms clean, dorm life, RUGBY, prom, Hershy Park, and anything in between, we stayed up until midnight just chillin' and meeting more people as they joined the room's pow-wow. Despite getting a wee bit loud, we had a grand ole time, and I loved discovering the life I would soon get to lead. When it was time for the guys to leave, we said our good-nights, unsure if we'd see them the next day. After they left, I got ready and into my sleeping bag, and I couldn't help but think how sad it was that I wasn't going to get to see them again. But then the smarter voice in my head was like Bitch, please!! You're gonna live here! You'll see them again soon. (It can be a very sassy side of my brain as well). The night ended as I fell asleep on the hard floor next to my future roomie. Falling asleep on the hard floor was well... hard, but it wasn't anything I hadn't done before. And it didn't take long for the sun to start coming up.

Upon hearing the alarm get snoozed a couple-two-tree times Sarah and I got ready and went to classes. Eating the breakfast of the champion students along the way, we went to German, then English, then Math. Each professor was welcoming, and in each class I though, Yes, I can see me sitting here... Being a part of all this. (I'd go into what the classes were like, but it wouldn't be as interesting to read about as compared to my living through it.) But from us talking with the math professor (I apologize for not remembering names) and another student that had stopped in before class started, I learned that there is a difference between 'Jimmies' and 'Sprinkles' in context. 'Jimmies' are on Ice Cream, and 'Sprinkles' go on Doughnuts. Who whoulda thought I'd get a mini English lesson from a math teacher? (:

When all was said and done class wise, we headed to lunch (after a short meet up with the German teacher, who is absolutely precious!) The lunchroom was in full college swing, and all the ornate details that were there from the night before had been taken away. (Honestly, I kinda felt special...) After getting a lovely lunch of warm breakfast, I sat down with some of Sara's friends.



I'm not sure how to describe them. I got to meet a couple of the guys while at class and from the night before, but... haha..... yeah... (: To sum it up, they're pretty awesome. When I think of the fun and the kind of conversations I should be having with my friends, the experience at lunch fits just that. They readily accepted me into the "group" and everyone was happy to see me and it was just something that doesn't happen in high school. It was truly a wonderful time, even though I was fighting the fatigue that was trying to take my eyes captive. After about an hour, we headed back to the dorm to get my stuff together and meet my mum.
     *          *          *          *          *          *         *          *          *
I've been excited to go to the Spring Preview day on April 15th, but now knowing the kind of people that I can talk to and catch up with... It's just added to the excitement! I didn't want to leave campus, but knowing that I'll be back soon is comforting. And when August comes around... You know I'll be one of the first ones there ready settle in to a place I can call HOME.

Go for the Gold

Go for the gold and just say douchebag
Censoring will only cause suspicions
Words go misinterpreted
A simple hello turns into random hook-up
And soon we're making as much sense as Willy Wonka
I strive for complete ambiguity
But in a world of sky, there are no clouds
A blank canvas, needing creativity to paint it
Flashback to the 90s; Marky Mark on the radio
As we set another dumpster on fire
Summertime quickly fading behind us.

An amazing compiled poem by those who attended Lit Camp at Misricordia University; Summer of 2011

Sunday, April 01, 2012

Flower as the Sun

A flower,
starting off as a seed,
will soon bloom.
Petals opening up,
each as thin as a baby's finger.
Their colour isn't just orange and yellow,
but a million different combinations.
A flower.
Started off as a seed,
but now is full grown.
It's opened to greet the sun,
with it's petals as bright as the rays.