Saturday, December 28, 2013

The Red Balloon

I want to float out
of this crowded world of gray
The wind can keep me. 

A Better Reality

Simply fall asleep. 
Let your heart's illusion make
All your dreams come true. 


Where did this come from?
When did a one night stand turn
into something more?
I won't, I can't, fall for him. 
My heart isn't capable. 


I was ready to put my heart in the line. 
I rolled up my sleeves. 
You gave the green light. 
So I fell. 
Now I'm waiting for one of these horse's men
to put me together again. 

Sunday, December 22, 2013

Tick... Tock... Not.

The clock, it taunts me. 
At 11:11,
its heartbeat swells up
reminding me that wishes
were never meant to come true. 

And Still

There is emotion
swelling up inside of me, 
grasping at my throat. 
Lonely pains filled with regret 
pang away into nothing. 

Thursday, October 03, 2013

Fleeting Dreams

Laying next to him,
she could just melt into time
as he holds her close.

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Walking In the Other Direction

If you're going to
walk out of my life, just go.
No need to explain.
Whatever the reason is,
it won't make me turn around.

Moving On... Again

I'm fighting the thoughts
of definitive defeat.
I hate being right.

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

A Little Something for Bad Poetry Day

I stepped in shit and
got hit by a Mac Truck. Life,
like this haiku, sucks.

Dedicated to A.A.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

The Last Forgiveness

She silently pleads
to the nothing of her faith
while waiting for the--

Monday, August 19, 2013


No one can help me;
I am the one instrument
of my own torture.

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Not A Second Too Late

Feel love's forgiveness
of time that's been wasted by
making it count now.

Friday, August 02, 2013

Fighting Weakness

There's a breaking point.
A line that's getting closer,
from which none return.
Beyond is anger and hurt,
and everything strength isn't.

Thursday, August 01, 2013

Where the Tide Belongs

The constant struggle
between fighting persistence
and knowing what's best.


Another old drop
gets me closer to goodnight.
The true sleeping juice.

Too Good to be True

There are some things in life that require pure gut to thought connection. You know, those miracle-grow hair treatments or the idea of free cash back. That same idea of something being "too good to be true" needs to be applied as a writer looks to become published.

Take this as an example:

About a year ago, towards the end of my senior year of high school, I had been contacted by a literary journal in another country. Right away, a red flag was thrown but I was willing to give the person behind the email a chance to explain his publication and what the magazine stood for. He was enthusiastic as he explained in broken english how he came across my blog. I returned the favour, and out of curiosity checked out his blog, where I found posts highlighting different contributors and issues of the magazine. The Contemporary Literary Horizon is "an independent, bilingual and multicultural magazine of contemporary culture and spirituality". It seemed like an interesting literary magazine, and I liked the idea of being translated into romanian. But as it was the end of senior year which got quite busy, I had forgotten about the correspondence and the opportunity that had been offered to me.

After completing my first year of college, the idea of the CLH (Contemporary Literary Horizon) came back to me. I searched through my email to find the original messages and read through them. I then checked out the blogspot to see if it was still active. I read through some of the posts, and then decided to send an email to the person that had first contacted me to see if the opportunity was still available and to show my interest in becoming involved. With the same enthusiasm, the man informed me that the magazine would love if I shared two poems with them to be translated. He also shared with me some of the perks, such as a "press card [that] will be for the beginning valid for 3 (three) months and will give you some facilities in the USA, for ex., to visit for free exhibitions or to assist for free or a low price at spectacles etc." Knowing that this was going to be happening rather quickly, I then did some digging into some of the contributors and the publication itself.

Something beyond the man's enthusiasm and poorly structured emails was bugging me, and my gut was taking control of my research. I googled some of the names that I found on their blog, and not only found their work, but also posts how they loved being part of such a publication. I then googled the magazine itself, and didn't find anything negative. Likewise, I didn't find anything that supported the existence of it either. The man behind the emails claimed to work through the University of Bucharest, saying that it was there my work was to be translated into romanian. I went to the University of Bucharest webpage, finding that they did have a department that was for publishing but I didn't find any traces of the CLH. Taking the word of those who claimed to have great experiences and hushing my gut, I sent two poems in with pure excitement.

The excitement was returned, and correspondence ended for about a week or so when I was then contacted with an attached photo of what the page would look like. Shortly after, I received another email that I was highlighted in a blog post. It seemed as if I had made the right decision, and in the email containing the photo was the information to purchase a hard copy of the journal, if I "wish"ed. It was 20 Euro for the hard copy and the shipping, and 30 Euro if I wanted two copies. It seemed a bit much, but I was happy to make such a payment for it was about the same I had paid for other publications I had been included in. As a few weeks went by, I started to realize that with my sophmore year move-in day rapidly approaching and an impromptu bus trip to visit my roommate for a week thrown in, I couldn't afford a physical copy. I sent several emails, first seeing how long I had to send a payment and then informing CLH that "due to [my return] back to university in the coming weeks I regret to say that I don't have the funds to purchase a copy at this moment."

When I look back at my responses to each of the emails, I am proud of my writing and the way that I handled each subject. I don't mean to talk selfishly, but I believe that I wrote in a professional manner, and I always thanked him and CLH for the acceptance into their publication. What I received in response was such a surprise. There was no enthusiasm, no relaxed greeting of "Stephy" as was contained in all the emails before. I can not begin to summarize such an email, so here it is:
Dear Stephanie Force,
We have receive your e-mails from yesterday.
You have not passed the test.
You'll not be published in the version on paper of CLH 4/2013 and you'll not become a contributor of our journal.
Please don't use in no way our translation into Romanian of your poems, thank you.
Which is not able to do a small sacrifice (to buy a book, a journal, to donate for a cultural project, and prefere ever  to eat a tortilla in a fast food) will not receive nothing important from life in order of his aspirations.
Gotta got away, yes, but whithout any perspectives.
I did not change a word or typo. I was unaware that I was being tested, and that the definition of "wish" was actually "required". Also, when I set out on this endeavor of reaching out after a year, I debated using instead the email I set up for blog and writing related inquiries. I decided to use my personal account (gottagetaway18, which I set up at the beginning of high school) because it was what the correspondence originally started with. I figured it might also help with the recognition of my name and blog. I didn't think that it would actually be used in rejection of my writing and contribution. My response was as so:
What test? You reached out to a student to become involved in your publications. As a student, there are other monetary obligations that come first. Above that, you did not make it clear to me that a payment was required to be part of the journal. 
Likewise, you are not allowed to use my writing in any form; online, in print, etc . 
I thank you for the opportunity, but if I may, leave you with a few recommendations for future use. 
     1) Work on your spelling and communication skills; some of your e-mails contained several typos and broken sentences.
             2) Make things VERY clear to the next person you approach as to how the CLH works.\
All the best, 
Stephanie Force   

At the end of the day, I can say that I've been translated, but never published as so. I have no intention of using the translations that were provided to me, but it still happened. I am writing this post in hopes that if other prospective contributors do their research, they will find a story of an experience that was favourable of first, but ended due to the financial struggle of being a college student. I still believe that the CLH is an interesting literary magazine, and that they may have all the best intentions, but after my experience I can say that I will not consider nor recommend working with them. In all fairness, I believe that the broken language and structure of the emails from the CLH side is due to english not being their first language, but that is the last benefit of doubt that I'll give them.

So to all writers looking to showcase their work and become published, do your research! If you've been contacted by magazines or journals, look at other contributors and their credibility. Only you can say if a publication is right for you, and you owe it to your work to show it in places you want to list on a resume or within a bio. It can be tedious at time, but as I like to say, "even when your life is at it's end, the words you leave behind will still live on".


Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Waiting for the Turnaround

Slowly weary eyes
greet a gray and weary day.
The sun must shine soon.


I cradle the glass
nestled between my fingers.
I grin as it falls.

Trying to Hold On

The time that goes by
burns like a rope through my hands;
it never ceases.

My Family Place

I'm sitting here exhausted and drained and emotionally strained and all I want to do is cry.

It's been one of those days.

Monday, July 08, 2013

Childhood Ignorance

It's kinda funny...
Years ago we were all friends
but now, we're nothing.

Saturday, July 06, 2013

The Difference

In this great big scheme
we are smaller than the stars.
Look up and compare.

Learning to Ski

It doesn't matter
how many times you fall down
as long as it's fun.

Thursday, July 04, 2013


Nothing says freedom
like spinning 'round in the dark
playing with sparklers.

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

Into the Blue Sky

Have you ever watched
an eagle just disappear?
No matter how hard
you try to focus on him,
sometimes you have to let go.

Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Getting Out of the Car

I'm just like a fawn
or a crippled penguin when
my legs are waking.

Approaching the Destination

The familiar sights
ignites the adrenaline
making me restless.

Leaving the City

My lungs, they shudder
as they gasp for some fresh air.
I run towards the woods.

The Ever Changing Scenery

Look! A tree! And there!
Another tree! And there's more!
All I see is trees!


Trapped within metal
my legs cry out for freedom.
They want to touch ground.

A Mindful Camera

Close one eye and blink.
Do remember what you saw,
for that moment's past.


There's a distant pain,
a deep pounding in his head...
Another bottle
added to the foggy night;
another to the morning.

A Devine Plaything

The top was set down
by delicate fingers and
twisted everything.


When you have nothing,
what is it that you cling to?
What truly matters?

The Lighted Cross Overlooking the Highway

Hidden by the trees
it is only seen at night
or by a close eye.

Driving By Curiosity

I study each face
as I sit in the backseat,
wanting eye contact

No Matter What I Say

There's this kind of life
that I've only read about.
I don't know torture.

The Whiteout

Only brought out once
in an error's existence,
it it left for dead.

The Cup of Pen and Pencils

They're all rejected,
except for a lucky two
that quote, "work the best".

The Staple

All it does is wait,
just a line short of an 'E',
until it's forced flat.


How did they produce
great messages that vary
from just one fire?

Outdoor Listening

The water bubbles.
Whispers are heard from the tent.
The fire whistles.


It dances for more,
reaching higher and higher.
The light proves it's strength.

Camping with a Different Kind Of Snow

Big white specks fluttered
on down from the ground below.
Born not out of cold
but of the billowing smoke
that arose from the hot flames.

Andddddddddd GO!

Two days ago I signed up to be part of a 31 Day Blogging Challenge and it was by fluke that I came upon it. I had been trying to go through a Twitter detox by not posting anything but then I was compelled to write a little diddy about how I was feeling in regards to packing for my travels to visit family in New Hampshire. ("Trying to be practical is becoming impractical." is how that went.) In doing so, I saw a tweet promoting the challenge. Curiosity got the best of me and since I have been trying to write more and post more I followed the breadcrumbs of links and retweets. What I found seemed completely legitimate so I decided to sign up for it. All I have to do is post everyday for 31 days.

I got off to a wonderful start, eh?

Traveling up here to NH was a heck of a time... the ride was enjoyable but it was long and slow due to the rain and traffic. I managed to write a lot of poems though, so in a way that's a benefit. When I think about just posting a couple haiku a day, part of me feels as if that would be cheating because 3 lines doesn't exactly compare against several paragraphs. But hey, that's what the majority of this blog is made out of these days and by definition each haiku that I write goes up in a post so I guess that part of me should take it's opinions and take a hike...

Then I look at what I have here and it's a good 'ole paragraph by paragraph post, so maybe I can fit a few of those in here and there. It really couldn't hurt, right?

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Disney Makes it Look Easy

Give me an apple
Find me an old spinning wheel.
Give Hades my soul.
Hit me with a frying pan.
Someone make me fall asleep!

What About Acceptance?

I'll deny it all.
The memories and feelings.
Life has to go on.


Test temperature.
Teeter at the edge. Don't think.
Lift off. Splash. Surface.

Before the First Summer Swim

Toes perfectly curved
around the edge of the dock.
The first summer jump.

With the Breeze

Life's simplest moments
are the ones left forgotten
deep in our mem'ry.

Daddy's Feathers

Sitting on the couch
she holds his scent close waiting
for him to get home.
She'll be asleep by midnight
and he'll carry them to bed.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Writing a Marathon

ThumpThu- Pause for a second.
Start again. ThumpThud
Stop. Think. ClickClack back. ThudThump.

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

A Humbling Home

What defines a home?
There is no perfect answer,
for it's not always
a house and white picket fence.
Home is what you make of it.

An Artist or an Artist of Artists?

talent lies within this man,
for chalk is not paint.
With an eye keener than most
could he create on his own?

The Life Above Tourism

All day he would watch
as people found such delight
in an old building.
They'd stand there, take a picture
then rush off to the next square.

The Basilica
was simply another church,
for them to gawk at.
For him, it's part of life at
Piazza Santa Croce.


I can't tell the time.
I can't tell you where I am.
What's going on here?

Because We Know What's Best

They told us we'd grow
as they watered us with lies.
We learned by living.
We rooted there, on the brink
as our lives slipped down the drain.


It's Time for a Love Note

Hey everyone,

I hope you've enjoyed the results of the late nights I've been putting in. I'm really trying to come up with some new material and for some reason all the lightbulbs go on when I work in the dark... go figure.

If you've been keeping up with me, you will know that recently I returned from a two week trip abroad. When I say recently I really mean I've been home for two weeks and I'm finally getting around to posting the pictures and filling in all the blanks in the story lines. I posted all the pictures to my Facebook and made it so that anyone can see the shots that I took because I haven't had the time (nor the eye strength) that it would take to put every single one in a blog post.

What I will do though, is take some of my favourite shots and accompany it with what I do best, a haiku or tanka for your reading and viewing enjoyment. All of the pictures from the trip will be included with the label "Pictures from Abroad" in case you want to group all of them together. I'll also be sure to label the country it was taken in. If there are any other details that you wish to know about, the comment section will be left wide open.

I can't thank you all enough for sticking with me and for coming back for more... and if you've just discovered this blog, I thank you for taking time out of your day to read this rambling and I hope that you find something you enjoy!

Love and Cheers,


Potato / Patahto

My mind is whirling
down into a deep abyss.
Without energy,
I cannot fight the urges.
The words must find a way out.

For some, they call it
insomnia. For me, it's

The Greater Fear

Desperation cries
from a dark, hidden corner
of the giant's house.
The cricket shouts for his life
but the giant dares not help.

Monday, June 24, 2013


When skies are cloudy
and you yearn to see the stars
just look to the trees.

Patience or Persistence?

Do you watch light fade
or chase down the sinking sun?
When do you let go?

Wondering Around the Clock

Why does a clock tick tock?
Is it so that we don't forget the seconds that have just passed by
or is it so we recognize the ones that have taken it's place?


She knew it would be coming. Her grandparents warned her when she was a child, but she never listened. She could crack anything! From her toes to her neck and everything in between, it would sound like someone had poured a bowl of rice krispies for a full five minutes. Now she tells her grandkids about life down that road, and wishes that they would listen.

Fingers are Runaway Carts

                        wait to tumble.          
                    Like   cans   at   the        
                 g r o c e r y      s t o r e ,                                                    
            G r a v i t y ' s   p l a y t h i n g .        

Just Think Left

There's a hidden maze
tucked away within a maze.
How does one escape?
Be cautious of memories
containing a deeper maze.

Dancing with the Stars

Catch a firefly.
Put it in a jar.
Catch another.
And another.
Catch a few more if you want.
Don't shake the jar.
You don't want to kill them...
Do you?
If you answered yes,
open up the jar.
Let them back out into the world.
Who are you to say that it's their time to die?
If you answered no,
carry them carefully inside.
Make sure to count how many you have,
then turn out the lights.
Open up the jar,
and let them go.
Watch them light up greater than any computer cord
or DVD power button.
Watch the way they dance,
watch the way they blink.
Watch as they find a spot to rest
and one by one pick them up.
Caress their sweet gentle body,
and carry them back outside.
They're not meant to be kept from their kind.
Let them go,
and watch as they fly high.
Lose them among sweet Evangeline.

Social Networking: Sucked In

It's that old pattern:
late nights staring at the screen.
And it's all for what?

Sunday, June 23, 2013

It's What They Wanted

Something great.

I put down my pen, got up, and walked out the door. Sure, it might not have been exactly what they wanted, but it was all I had at the moment. I can't write on command, I have to have time to think and debate, to erase and cross out. I counted down from five as I took a left at the bottom of the steps. I heard the door slam behind me, and I ducked through the open fire door. The heat hit me, but I knew that I had to get out of there. I couldn't stay and have them yell at me, trying to get me to put words together on a page. If they want to make money, if they want something that will make people want more, they have to give me a little time. It'll all come eventually. I stopped at the corner store, just to grab some dark chocolate and a bottle of wine. After a stunt like this, what more do I have to lose? I looked up just in time to see a mass of hair and money stumble pass. I paid and shook hands with the cashier and smiled as I made my way out the back door. The dirt path lead me away from the main road, and I stopped to drop my phone behind the flowers... Okay, I'd be lying if I tried to deny that I smelled the flowers too but if I included that in any kind of story, it'd be one more chiche that I wish I didn't use. I guess because it's the here and now, it's just a reminder that this is a beautiful day outside the control of the do-anything-power. D.O.P. Dop. Dope. Ha. I bet that's what they do in their free time. Hell, that's what I'd do if I had any free time. If I'm not sitting there in their office then I'm evading their clutches. If I'm not evading their clutches then I'm sleeping. If I'm not sleeping I'm sitting there in their office. That's because they know where I live, well, they're paying for housing, and food, and pretty much anything else I need. They just use me for my well constructed sentences, and dashing good looks. Someone's gotta stand behind the words I write, and I insisted that it was me. I mean, I may be going on six feet tall and I can hide behind a young sapling without any troubles, but the acne's cleared up and Dop's ordering contacts for me soon. They're trying to move me on to that "cool kid" phase that I missed during puberty 10 years ago. Honestly, I'm not sure that they would have picked me if they looked at my headshot first. I was just some bum off the side of the street, with nothing much but a notebook and a bent up copy of my senior portrait showing off my manly stoic face. Shuttering from my blocked memories creeping up on me, I emerged from the path turned wooded brush, and jumped across the creek. Part of me wishes that I didn't leave my phone in the flowers, I'd have done just as well to have dropped it along the rocks and let the water take it. I wonder  how life would have turned out, it I didn't see that poster walking along the sidewalk by the guidance of the breeze. Would I be dead now, of starvation? Would I have sold a story, taken my pay, and gone without another look back, swearing that I could use the meager earnings to start a real job? I'd have my soul back, I know that much. I stepped out into the clearing, and retrieved my corkscrew from the hollow log the I had dragged into the center. I'll admit that it wasn't my first time going AWOL, but they still had yet to figure out where I disappear to. As long as I return with something great to show them, they'll be able to finish their anthology and I'll be able to pretend I don't exist until they go demanding more words for some other project. Sinking down to the ground, I kissed the top of the bottle and let the sweet juice drip down my throat. I reached into the log and retrieved my battered notebook. I found a margin and squeezed in two words as I breathed in a sigh of relief as my imagination started to run wild.

Something great...


Give me open skies
walking barefoot through darkness.
No judgement.
No fear.

Give me a moment of solitude
while sitting in a crowd of people.
No pressure.
No stress.

Give me stale cigarettes
whispering forgotten memories.
No attachment.
No regret.

Give me a place to call home
where I can think, dream, and grow.
No limitations.
No destruction.

Friday, June 14, 2013

Still Jet Lagged

Hello all my wonderful friends and followers! I'm back from my trip abroad, and yes I have a whole bunch of pictures to share with you. I figured that since I was posting everything to my Facebook anyways, I'd just post the link to the albums that I'm working on. The pictures go chronologically and the captions ended up turning into little blog-like blurbs. I figure once I'm done I'll probably construct a regular blog post, but if you wanted to check out what I have so far, please, feel free to do so!

For the pictures of my adventures, CLICK HERE.

For the pictures of Nemo, the world traveled clownfish, CLICK HERE.


Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Starting Summer Right

Something weird possessed me over the weekend. I don't really know where it came from but this passion grabbed a hold of me and I decided to give in to temptation. I started to look on google, and I compared the pictures I was finding to the shape of my face. Knowing that it was time to let go and move on made it impossible for me not to pick up the phone and call my hairdresser... yes.

It was time to cut my hair.

This is my "I-CAN'T-BELIEVE-I'M-ACTUALLY-DOING-THIS" brave face.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Family Doesn't Mean Perfect

Today, I became an official member of the Domino Players. Although I am not a theatre major, nor do I ever plan on becoming one, it is a passion of mine that I have had a wonderful time pursuing. I have learned what it's like to be part of a family. In this company, I have found friends like none other. I have found genuine people who will ask if I'm alright after long stressful weeks and countless updates on Facebook and Twitter. I have found people who believe in me and my work and what I can do. Yeah, we're not all best friends, yeah we don't get along sometimes, but at the end of the day we're there for each other. And that's what matters. That's what it means to be a family.

This isn't everyone but I'll be sure to post more pictures and a catch up to explain what all I've been up to in the coming week!

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Studying Nonsense

A blank page full of graphite.

Separate Ways

Eating pizza on our carpet... cut.

From the Dark Night

Sunlight rises as innocence drips away.

Goodbye is the First Step to Hello

I said goodbye to my baby yesterday. It wasn't our last goodbye, but soon she'll belong to someone else. It's terrifying really. She was, er, is my second and I can't believe how it happened. I figured the first would get into the program so that's why I decided to attempt at making a duplicate. Nothing will ever replace the my first creation, but even artists have to pick favourites. This one has a more parallel border, more contrast, it's less murky. But I can't be selfish and keep it. I have to let my picture go, it's the juror that wants it for her own collection! I never would have imagined having to put a price on my work let alone actually selling it. But my creativity, my name will have been let out into the world. It's more than any 19 year old photography student can ask for.

Wednesday, May 08, 2013

The Perfect Night

Let's make it classy.
You, me, a bottle of wine.
On the other hand,
you can leave the wine with me.
Believe me, I won't object.

Fuck Facebook, Twitter

Holy goddamn fuck.
Where did all of that time go?
Social media.

If Only...

Hey if you can get
away with a few words on
every line then 4
pages end up going by
quickly. (This is a tanka)

And How Does This Make You Feel?

A short story on
killing a baby touched me
because it was sad.

But actually the short story "Popular Mechanics" had an effect on me because it showed two people who were more obsessed about getting their way instead of putting aside their differences to take care of their child.

I guess I should finally write this 4 page paper, eh?

A Two Quarter Fine

A few measly cents,
for some overdue headphones,
lost along the way.

That Clique

I had found that place.
I thought I could call it home.
I guess I was wrong.
They've made themselves a family,
A friendship like no other.

Trying To Stay Awake

Somehow I'll stay up
with a cuppa tea cradled
between my fingers.

A Letter to Me

I wish I could go back,
find that girl that I was yesterday.
I'd tell her that today would be rough
but don't give up hope.
Tomorrow is a chance for a better things to come.

I wish I could go back,
find the girl that I was a week ago.
I'd tell her to enjoy the time that she has with those around her
and remember every laugh.
You can never promise that time will come again.

I wish I could go back,
find that girl that I was a month ago.
I'd tell her that everything's going to change
but it all is going to work out in the end.
Everything happens for a reason.

I wish I could go back,
find that girl I was a year ago.
I'd tell her that life's full of the same old shit
but the chances you're going to have is beyond anything you could imagine.
Grab a hold of every opportunity.

I wish I could stay here
find that girl I am today.
I'd tell her to stop waiting on the world
and letting people put her down.
Her life is in her hands.

Tuesday, May 07, 2013

A Simple Truth

Unexpected words
come from unbeknownst wise men:
"Live first, write later."


He has his feet up and his shades down. He sits enjoying the cool spring breeze as the sun warms his face. As a batter goes up to the plate, he puts his feet down knowing that it’ll be a good swing. Jumping up, he forgets about the beer at his feet as he goes to catch the ball. This catch, a proof of memory, is worth more than an overpriced cup.

Monday, May 06, 2013

Ranting and Raving

What good is talking
when the past is just the past?
Use it to move on.


A white blank page.

Close your eyes and see the darkness. Wait for the light to come. Wait for the colours to start swirling and figures to emerge. Watch how the figures become animated within seconds, and emotions embody the motions.

A white blank page, just waiting for words.

Friday, May 03, 2013

Thursday, May 02, 2013


There are some days when
I wish I owned a book full
of offensive words
just so that I can shout them
all where no one can hear me.

Pushed Away

The farther I go
the less we all care as you
watch me disappear.

In Asking for the World...

Always make sure that
your expectations never
exceed exceptions.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013


The wind pushed it from side to side. It hung precariously from the porch roof, teasing Mother Nature to bring it back down to the ground. The flowers relied on each other for support until the quaking was over. Once the planter could no longer play the games, the flowers came crashing down, becoming bruised and broken.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Above It All

"I'm taller than you,"
said the tree to his shadow.
"But yet, I'm taller,"
said his defiant shadow.
Overhearing, the bricks laugh.

Beyond One's View

"Look over the hedge,"
is what they told me to do.
And I was greeted
by another of yellow
and beyond that, sky of blue.

A Spring Juxtaposition

How could someone be
oblivious to beauty?
Instead, they taint it.

Friday, April 19, 2013

The Stronger Emotion

Is there more power
found in pain than in anger?
Which one is more pure?

The Broken Spell

He was Once noble...
A prince charming in her eyes,
innocence clouded
her young and wishful judgement.
She knew better in The End.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Boston, You're My Home

Friend St.
Boston, MA
Because everyone needs a friend, especially in times like these.
I'm sitting here at my computer with a long list of things to get done, and I had a passion or desire to accomplish it all earlier today. But the news of Boston has made it hard to focus on much of anything.

Home is where the heart is, and for a long while part of my heart has been lost in the streets of Boston. I grew up not too far north and was raised singing Tessie and Dirty Water. There's something different about New England air... It's hard to explain, what such a place means to me. I guess the best way to put it into words is to ask you to think about your favourite place. The favourite vacation spot or where you feel most at peace. That's basically my Boston.

To hear about such a tragedy today breaks my heart. It reminds me of all the friends I have up there and the family that I don't see very often. I can only hope that everyone can come together and help such a wonderful place get back on it's feet.

I wish I knew why people do the things that they do, but I've grown to learn that such musings can take one to the brink of madness and that in the end, there will truly never be an answer. The only way to get through it is to accept life for what it is and let the past be the past. But please, don't forget it. Learn from it. Use it as an opportunity to start a discussion, to reach out, to live and love.

Thoughts for Boston

I'm miles away
but mentally I'm right there,
catching all their tears.

Sunday, April 14, 2013


There's a kind of trust...
a faith you place in strangers
when you're in a crowd.

Where the Strings Cross

They're waiting to cross
at 42nd and 8th.
In the people's sea,
an old friend calls out his name
to then meet his little boy.

A Real Connection

Why does eye contact
make people so uneasy?
Why are they afraid?

Friday, April 12, 2013


I slowly retreat
back into my own being.
I'm making that choice.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Waiting for the Storm

Walk barefoot and wish
for the gentle kisses of
rain to kiss your cheeks.

Picture the Memories

The way I see it,
our life is just a shutter
held down forever.

A Thank You Shout Out for the Fame and Support

Yesterday was a wonderful day. Not only was the sun was shining and I got to sit out by the pond to enjoy the fresh air all afternoon, I also got to enjoy a minute and 23 seconds of fame.

One of the blogs that I link to, NEPA Blogs, does a segment on WBRE's PA Live called Blog of the Week. It was from out of the blue that I was notified by Harold Jenkins, one of the main contributors of NEPA Blogs, that An Organized Mess was selected as the blog of the week! I got a post dedicated to me on NEPA Blogs (read here) and a segment on the news which also made it to the PA Live web page (see here).

It's a struggle, being a writer. There's not a whole lot of money to be made in the business unless people know about you and with being a full time college student who is involved all over campus, it's even harder because there's barely any time to sit down and spend some one-on-one time with the good ole pen and paper. It's like another job, managing a blog. With OneWord I at least get some kind of short story / creative thing to post, but I'm going to make a conscious effort to write a haiku or tanka or some post a day. My life here at Albright is one heck of a thing, it's rare to never have a story to tell at the end of the day. The trick is finding what stories are worth noting and which are best left to fall to memories.

Regardless, I just want to say thank you to everyone who has supported me, from my family and friends to the blogs that I became part of. Besides NEPA Blogs, I want to send a special thank you to Keith Wynn of Musings of an Unapologetic Dreamer and Greg Gobat of Simply, Life for being there the past year. I cherish their feedback and hold them in very high regard.

And of course, thank you to all who come across my writings from all walks of life. Every time I see the view count on each post go up, it makes me smile and I hope that my thoughts and words are helping those that read them.

If you have any questions, comments, suggestions, hopes, dreams, complaints, frustrations... anything at all, please do not hesitate to contact me.♥

This is YOUR Life

Finally step back,
and take a look at your life.
Make it about you.

Tuesday, April 09, 2013

It's All Changing

Looking towards next year
I tremble with a smile.
Fear and excitement.


I sat there drumming. I couldn't stop myself,. as soon as the music started my fingers started to wiggle and my toes started to tap. He's seeing the real me, I don't care if it's our first date or not. I'm not the kind to just keep to myself timidly.

An Overdue Creative Update

Back in October, I submitted my poem Reflection to a local contest where artists would pick a poem and create a piece of artwork based off of it. Not only was my poem picked, it was picked twice! From February 17th to March 16th, artwork by Cheryl Bagenstose and Mary Smith was displayed at the Yocum Art Institute. It was quite a delight to see how others interpreted three simple lines.
Artwork by Mary Smith.

Mary Smith and I with her art.

Artwork by Cheryl Bagenstose.
Cheryl Bagenstose and I with her artwork.

The Barrier

I want to tell you
I'm sick of being alone,
but my pride stops me..

Sunday, April 07, 2013


One minute. Sit there and don't move. Your eyes must stay watching the clock.

One more minute! You looked away. You know you weren't supposed to spread glue over Suzie's project and you did it anyways. We play nice with the other kids and keep our hands to ourself.

Your two minutes are done. Go out to recess, I don't want to see you causing trouble again.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

Overlapping Times

I wonder who sat
and wrote at this typewriter
all those years ago.

Did they fuss over the same stubborn keys as I?
Did they grin upon seeing their thoughts on the page?

Each bang and click clack
takes over the room's silence.
Their thoughts then. Mine now.

Hopeful Watching

Chance to one last look.
Would luck happen to your side?
It is meant to be.

Last Words

The page's last words,
are they better than the rest?
That is up to you.


Watch the seconds go
not wasted, but with purpose.
A chance to catch up.

Letting Go

I throw my troubles
in with the creek going by.
Leaves crunch underfoot.

Distance In Between

Separation is
the best reminder to love
and cherished your friends.

March Flurries

The snow is falling
but my nose does not deceive,
Spring is on its way.

Evil Squirrels

I can hear their squeaks...
I feel like they are plotting
a way to get me.

Big Sister Babysitting

This game of playing
mother is no longer fun.
I'll take some wine though.


Pancakes and sprinkles,
drowned in butter and syrup.
What a midnight snack!

Secret Stones, Whispered Words

Clink on my window
and let the wind hear my name.
We'll run, together.

The Gun

It was in my hands...
the control of destiny
with a finger's flick.

No Longer Waiting

Ignoring my phone,
I fight the power that holds
my heat's hope to you.

This Is Key

The only way to
unlock my heart is to first
dive into my mind.

Another Reality

Just remember the
way to escape from this world
is turning the page.


Inspired by words
of the voice of someone else
ignites my passion.


Welcome to new life.
It's a brilliant feeling
finding yourself, yes?


They're all the same. No stars. No sleep. Always running and running and never stopping. People creeping around corners, strolling down streets. Crashing, clanging, crying. Screaming, shouting, shuddering.

Sunday, March 10, 2013


He looks down at his feet, at the one withered flower. Picking it up, he exchanges it for the one that he brought with him.

"I'm sorry no one else comes, it's just that, no one else knows."

He continues on with the highlights of his week, and just like the weeks past he ends it the same way.

"They won't catch me. I'll be back next week. I promise."

Thursday, March 07, 2013


And so it returned. All of the day's hard work and persistence got thrown out the window as I sit here and write. I don't know where it comes from... this constant unhappiness. This longing for something more in life. I should be content with what I have but yet I yearn for what I know will never happen. I can have a beautiful day full of accomplishments and laughter and still it is not enough. All I want is someone to share the night with, and so the pain returns.

Saturday, February 23, 2013


A person who one does not know anything about
and / or
has never spoken to
and / or
has never met face-to face.

The transformation of a stranger
into the recognition of a beautiful human being
whom one can potentially instill trust.

\ˈnō-bə-dē, -ˌbä-dē\
A body that one knows, but like a stranger, means nothing to him or her;
A stranger who becomes a friend, then after time becomes a


Wednesday, February 20, 2013


I've weathered every kind of storm there is. Torrential downpour, hurricanes, blizzards, tornadoes, even those rare ones with a beautiful blue sky without a touch of breeze. But the one I haven't been able to make it though is the one that you've created in my heart. All I can do is hunker down and pray to come out alive.

Friday, February 15, 2013


I stared at the phone, and willed it to light up. All my thoughts (my heart, my being, my soul even!) went into willing a cold piece of metal to come to life. But I knew deep down that this was just the same old story, different "prince charming". He wasn't going to call me. Plans fell through yet again and I'm spending this Friday night alone with H.W.

(That's short for homework)

Thursday, February 14, 2013


Late that night she walked in, heels clanking together. She payed no attention to the glares coming her way from the sides, and the light of the candles only gave enough light to hint at the discolouring of her arms and legs. Nothing about this girl was sanctity, but the pat-pat of her bare feet reminded those frozen faces of a child-like innocence they never had. As she walked herself closer to Him, she found herself lifting out of this world, to something that held more promise.

Wednesday, February 13, 2013


Okay... I know that one wasn't good. But I'll do better next time, I promise! There are just days where my thoughts don't line up and my actions aren't connected with my brain's orders and everything just flat-lines. Just there, dead as a doornail.

But then again...

Was a doornail ever alive?


Flat as a slice of paper, curved up on the sidewalk. Nonsense. Pigs flying though the sky? Pretty ladies on the beach? Squirrels, jumping out of trashcans. This world is flat and full of rounded ideas. Maybe we should think more.

A Year Later

I know it's been awhile since I've written an entry about me and what I've been up to, but today is one of those days where there are words that need to be said. A lot of what is going through my head I've already penned down before but it's never too late to repeat the same thing when it comes to life and the people in it.

A year ago I woke up to a stressful Monday, full of missing the bus and fighting with my mother. Now I'm away at college, got to sleep in, and I called my mother at work just to say hi. It's crazy how life changes. But Tom is still gone. A year later, and I still think of him whenever I wear my necklace, and his bracelet sits upon my desk when I'm not wearing it. I sleep in the troop shirt and I wonder what life would be like if he was still here.

But then I think about how life has changed with out him. How I've grown as a person and how he still makes a difference in what I do. I've learned to take chances, to not let life's sweetest moments pass by unnoticed. I've cared for others more than I ever thought I could and I let my friends and family know that I love them. Life is too short to let it go by without compassion.

Tom, I hope you're doing well, and if you can see if you can find my baby girl up there. She loves the woods and to run, so maybe you could take her hiking with you at some point? Her name is Izzy, if you call her and offer her a treat she'll love you forever. I don't know how to end this... but stay good, okay? Keep watch over your mum and Andrew and everyone else, I know we all look up to you. ♥

Thursday, February 07, 2013


Salesman. He’s at my door. Part of me wonders what he’s selling, but I sit here behind my couch like a statue. My dogs are barking, but I can’t yell to quiet them down. If I do then he’ll know I’m here. He can’t know I’m here… I hope he leaves soon.

Home for Lunch

As he stepped out of the car, he could hear his father in the backyard, shouting for Gladys to bring out the extra barbecue sauce. His cheeks became wet with every hesitant step towards the front door. Before he could even life his hand to ring the doorbell, the sweet chorus of dogs barking and people shuffling began. *DING DONG* A million pairs of eyes greeted him as he was ushered into the living room. Without even a second to put his bags down, he was in the center of his family's embrace. He couldn't stop crying as the timer went off, for it wasn't the alarm waking him from the dream of getting home but the announcement of a home cooked meal being complete.

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

What To Do?

How does one handle
the inevitable end?
I still do not know.

Walking in Love

I don't know your past,
but we walked toward the future
always together.
I fell in love with her after taking her on one walk and somehow I talked my parents into letting her come home with us... that was 7 years ago. I hope she's in a better place now.

The Dog's Watching

I know that I left,
you saw me pack up boxes.
How could I explain?


Don't think. Just write. That's what I was told to do. So I let my fingers roll over the keys, frequent visitor to the <-- Backspace button because of mistypes. But I'm still typing nonetheless. Type. Type. Think. Type.

Saturday, February 02, 2013


All systems are ago. We’ve got the lighting and the music to create the mood, the wine is chilled, and all the staff in the back has a wonderful menu planned. We’re creating the perfect recipe for the perfect night.

But without him, the system fails.

Friday, February 01, 2013


She walked in the room, and no one really noticed. She was a plain girl. Dirty blonde hair all a mess, hoodie and jeans like all these other kids just trying to get through another day. But it was her eyes that caught mine. Deep blue, a sea full of secrets.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013


Well isn't this just swell. A nice little spot, and some time to sit and think. Ahh... the smell of rain is in the air and everything has a hint of gray. Some people would want their perfect day to be 80 degrees and sunny but I disagree. 60 and rainy is perfect for me.

Saturday, January 26, 2013


“After you.”

“No, after you.”

“Oh please, do go first.”

“Age before beauty.”

“But really, you go ahead.”

At this rate, they’ll never get through the door.

Thursday, January 24, 2013


Responsibility is the one thing that is keeping me together. I’m involved in so many things right now… so many people are counting on me. I fear letting anyone down, so I must keep on top of everything and I have to get everything done. Between class, work, and extra-curriculars, I have to make it through. It’s not even Friday yet of the spring semester and I’m already beginning to loose my mind.

Wednesday, January 23, 2013


I called her and knew.
She didn't have to be blunt,
all we said was yeah.


Life is a musical. Sitting on the subway, I sway to the beat. I hear the clicking and clacking of the wheels, the conversations are the lyrics.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013


Real is fake. Nothing is real. Everything is as we imagine it. Real lives inside our own heads, and your version of real is quite different from my real. It’s quite the conundrum.

Monday, January 21, 2013


*Knock knock knock*

My heart dropped into my chest.

“Come on Miss, I know you’re in there.”

I wanted to run and hide, but I couldn’t. As a little hand grasped onto my finger, I took a deep breath and opened up the door. This was the visit that would take me away to freedom. Away from Him and the only life I had grown to know. I was terrified, but for the little voice that asked, “Mommy, why are you crying?” I knew I had to go with them, get my little one to a better life.

Friday, January 18, 2013


“I always spell Vagina wrong, I want to spell it ‘V-I’ instead of ‘V-A’”
“It’s time to trust my instincts…”

Friday, January 11, 2013


I sat there, staring at him. I nudged his foot, and I called out to him.

“Master! Master!”

But he didn’t budge. 15 years, and he was the first to go.

I sat there that night.

Howling at the moon.

Wednesday, January 09, 2013


He was a politician. Raised up on a pedestal that we put him on. We chose him to stand there above us. But he is not above the same faults that is found in us.

Monday, January 07, 2013


Must I? Must I deal with all this technology failing me? Can’t I just run away, leave it all behind… live a life where it’s just me and my thoughts, and the people I come into direct contact with? I don’t want to do this anymore.

Friday, January 04, 2013

Napping on the Floor

I curl up in sinking sunlight.



I can't believe this has happened... again! Why can't people just live in the moment and take the chance on life? All I want is to be happy... doesn't he want to be happy? Why can't we be happy together? Lord help me convince him...

Thursday, January 03, 2013


I stare out into the darkness as the bright lights blind me. My ears go deaf from the monstrous applause that is coming from below. All I can hear is the beat of my heart. I am standing on top, and it was my best that placed me here.